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Chapter 37

Thursday, March 3, 2005

"Elizabeth, darling," Audrey smiled when she answered the door and saw her granddaughter standing on the front porch. "How delightful to see you. Come in."

"Thank you, Gram," she tried to muster up a smile, but it failed.

Opening the storm door wider, Audrey observed Elizabeth as she walked in. Her granddaughter looked shaky as she passed, thinner than she had been two weeks ago when she came with Jason to finish packing up Cameron's belongings and remove hers to her studio. When the younger woman arrived that day, Audrey had hoped that her granddaughter was on the road to recovery. Her eyes were more focused and less haunted and she thought that Elizabeth was beginning to face Cameron's death and would begin to finally heal.

Now, Elizabeth looked shaken, unsure, her eyes slightly desperate. Audrey wondered what had happened and what caused her granddaughter to arrive at her house. She glanced outside and saw the car and driver Jason had assigned to Elizabeth and found herself glad to see the man was there. It helped comfort her to know that someone was helping look out for her granddaughter right now when the younger woman seemed to definitely need it.

"Would you like some tea, Elizabeth?" Audrey asked as she sat down by her granddaughter on the sofa.

"No, thank you, Gram," she shook her head. "I'm okay. I came to talk to you, to let you know that I'm going out of town for a little while."

Audrey blinked in surprise and blurted out, "What? You're leaving?"

"I'm...taking a small vacation, Gram. I'm going away to clear my head." Elizabeth stood and walked behind the sofa to pace. "The trial is over, Sam's been sentenced, I just...I need a little time to myself."

"And you haven't had that in your studio?" she asked. Ever since Elizabeth had moved out the day before Christmas Audrey felt that her granddaughter had only had time to herself. She and Steven had respected her wishes and hadn't gone over to see her or called her as often as they wanted. Or had something happened with Jason Morgan?

"I need time away from this town," the younger woman clarified. "I...I looked into jobs and I...I had a couple of people ask me about Cameron and the trial. It was like that was the only reason they called me in for an interview. I just...I need some time."

"Of course, darling," she said immediately after hearing the broken explanation. She knew enough not to mention the hospital despite wanting to do so; Elizabeth had been quite adamant that she was not going back to work as a nurse. While Audrey wasn't entirely comfortable with Elizabeth leaving, she knew that once her granddaughter made up her mind it was hard to change it. Right now, Elizabeth needed her unconditional support; she didn't need to feel judged or pressured to stay. It had been one of the hardest things of this whole ordeal, stepping back to let Elizabeth have her own time, counsel and space and not say things Audrey would have wanted to.

"When are you leaving?" she asked.

"Now," Elizabeth said, coming around the sofa and kneeling beside Audrey's chair. "Jason's guard is going to be with me."

"Is there a way I can reach you?" She didn't want to push her granddaughter, but she couldn't just let Elizabeth leave without asking, without knowing that she could still talk to the younger woman.

"I'll have my cell phone," Elizabeth answered easily and Audrey felt comforted over the fact that it didn't seem like her granddaughter was trying to hide or evade her. "And if it doesn't work, you can call Jason."

The older woman's forehead creased with confusion and Audrey asked, "He's not going with you?"

"I'm not leaving you," Elizabeth said as she sat down on the bench after brushing off the lingering snow. She wrapped her jacket around her and rubbed her gloved hands together. "I just need to get away for a little while. I just...I'm feeling a little overwhelmed."

She sighed and looked down at her boots which she pushed absently through the snow piled up near the seat. After leaving her grandmother's house, she had wanted to stop here to talk to him. Paul was waiting by the car; she had asked him to stay there because she didn't want him hovering nearby for this conversation.

"I want you to know that I will be back," she wanted to assure him. "I could never leave you forever."

She caught her tears on her wool covered fingers and blinked, trying to keep her tears at bay. She didn't want to break down; she wanted to be strong. She reached over on the bench and picked up the flowers she'd bought before standing. Then she crossed the snowy ground to Cameron's headstone and brushed her gloved hand over the hard stone. She placed the flowers on the ground and knelt beside them, her head bowed.

"I love you, Cameron," she whispered as her throat was raw with grief. "I always will, but I have to go away for just a little while. Uncle Steven will be here and so will Gram. You won't be alone, okay?"

Elizabeth kissed her fingers and brought them up to the gray stone. "I'll be back, baby."

Then she stood and headed to the car. Paul was waiting to take her out of town and she was glad he was there. She was tired, but she'd had a hard time sleeping lately and the exhaustion was catching up with her. It hadn't helped that last night was the first time Jason had been gone since the trial. She hadn't heard from him; it wasn't a surprise, he'd warned her before that things like this could happen, and she knew it could happen again in the future. She wasn't mad, but she was a bit shaken, and after last night she'd decided that if she was going to be alone, she didn't want to be alone in Port Charles.

"Mr. Corinthos, sir?"

He looked up at Stan, wondering why the young man had shown up here. Clearly the fact-finder knew he was on the thin edge of screwing up, based on the nervous way he was shifting back and forth on his feet causing his dreadlocks to sway with the movement. His men knew the importance of this meeting, so for the younger man to show up meant something had happened and Sonny told himself to stay calm and listen to him. He could only hope that whatever it was didn't mess them up too much.

"What, Stan?"

The young man looked around nervously. "Where's Jason?"

"He's busy right now," Sonny said, his frustration showing. He didn't want to go through his whole thing again. He was in charge and he hated when the men wanted to bypass him and bring things to Jason first. "What's going on?"

"Paul called looking for Jason 'cause his phone is off."

"Paul is guarding Elizabeth, isn't he?" he asked, instantly shifting from anger to concern. "Did something happen?"

"He said she's leaving town," the younger man divulged with a little reluctance. Sometimes it was hard being the messenger. "Since Jason hadn't said anything to him he wanted to let Jason know."

"She's leaving?" Now Sonny was really worried and he was already trying to figure out how he could pull Jason out and send him after Elizabeth. He knew as soon as his friend heard about this he'd leave to find her and Sonny knew he couldn't stop the younger man.

"They're on their way out of town right now," Stan said earnestly, with a little concern all the men in the organization seemed to have for the grieving mother.

"Okay, okay, you did good telling me right away. Did Paul say where they were going?"

When Stan nodded, Sonny let out a breath. That was a good sign, he hoped. "Alright, I'm going to get Max out to Jason's position so he can take over and Jason can go."

"Okay," Stan said, obviously relieved that this was going to be resolved easily and without trouble to him. They all were concerned about Elizabeth and everyone wanted to her be alright. And they all knew that with whatever had caused her to suddenly leave town Jason was the best person to help her through it.

Elizabeth stood outside and took a deep breath, drawing in the fresh, brisk air. It was quiet, it was peaceful, and she relished in it. She had wanted this silence, this calmness that now surrounded her. It was why she had left Port Charles; the noise, the pressure the looks and the comments had gotten to be too much.

She had pushed herself too fast, or maybe she had just been deluding herself. She thought she had been doing better; she thought she was okay being on her own during the day. Painting, or walking, or reading during the day combined with moments of thinking about the future, it hadn't weighed down on her or even scared her like it had in those early days after Cameron's death. It was why she thought she was ready to look for a job.

It had been a disaster.

Her grandmother and Bobbie had encouraged her not to automatically give up on nursing, but the thought of going back to the hospital filled her with anger and illness. How could she work if she was shaking with fury or being ill? The career she had chosen so as to be able to provide for her son now repulsed her. Yet, she knew she needed to find something because she couldn't take advantage of her friends and family who were more than willing to help her for as long as she'd let them. She knew they'd pay for anything she needed or give her a place to stay and never ask for anything in return, but she couldn't live like that forever.

So she'd read through the want ads, Jason helped her with her resume, and she'd applied at various places. She never heard back from some, and the two interviews she did have...that was why she'd fled. The interviewers had asked about the trial, Sam, Sonny and Jason, the guard following her, but not about her experience, her qualifications or her potential with the company. To many in Port Charles she was still a circus freak, the woman whose child was killed by Sonny Corinthos' ex-mistress. Unless she went back to Kelly's, or took the job Nikolas has gently hinted at, she didn't see herself working any time soon.

It had hurt and angered her and all she'd wanted to do that morning when she finally pulled herself out of bed, after admitting she couldn't sleep, was to get away. Maybe it was cowardly, but she felt she would lose her mind and shatter if she stayed in her studio any longer. There was no time to think about it, no time to wait for Jason to return from wherever he was, she had told Paul she had to leave now. Her guard hadn't argued with her or tried to stop her, he'd done everything he was trained to do and protected her.

Now, she just had to hope to regain the ground she'd thought she'd already had. She wanted to get better; she really did. She just hated that it was such a hard, slow process.

Jason turned off the two-lane road and slowed only slightly as he traveled onto the dirt road. Mud and gravel kicked up behind him, slush from the melting snow mixing into the ground. When Max had shown up and told him Sonny needed him immediately he wondered what had happened that would cause his boss to risk exposing his position by sending the guard. Jason hadn't expected Sonny to tell him that Elizabeth had left town. He took a step back, feeling as if he'd been punched as the words washed over him. The feeling only marginally abated when his friend told him Elizabeth had taken her guard with her and they'd gone to the cabin.

Sonny had all but told him to go after Elizabeth, as if he hadn't already been planning to do that. Jason was glad, though, for Sonny understanding that his priorities had shifted. The business and Sonny's family would always be important to him, but Elizabeth was equally important. Sometimes, lately, Jason was even considering her more important.

He never should have left her alone last night. He'd gotten stuck trailing a man and he couldn't even check with Sonny until early this morning. As much as he desperately wanted to call her, to let her know, to assure her, there was no way he could have. He'd had to sneak away from his position long enough to call Sonny; he wouldn't have been able to justify losing the man if it had occurred while he'd been talking to Elizabeth. He'd contemplated asking Sonny to check in on Elizabeth, let her know that he was alright, but it was three in the morning when he'd called and he knew - hoped - she was asleep. He'd hated himself for it, but just hadn't seen a way around it. He was going to call her guard soon to check in when Max had shown up.

He hoped that being along last night wasn't what caused her to leave. He didn't want to add to her pain, he wanted to help take it away. He'd rather take another leave from the business than make Elizabeth feel like she couldn't count on him. Letting her down again just wasn't an option.

As he neared the cabin, he slowed and then parked his motorcycle. He grabbed his bag he'd stopped long enough at his penthouse to pack from the back of the bike and then walked towards Paul who was patrolling the perimeter. The guard paused and tried not to look like he was cold as he stood at his post.

"Mr. Morgan."

"Paul," he answered with a tip of his head. "Thank you for taking care of Elizabeth, and for calling Stan when you couldn't reach me."

"I wasn't sure what to do, but I wasn't going to leave her alone. She," he hesitated, as if not sure what to say. "She seems a little shaken. Yesterday...and especially today."

Jason sighed and ran his free hand over his face. "Okay. You did the right thing, Paul. I...I'm trusting you to take care of her and you didn't let me down."

The guard seemed to relax and Jason gave him a small smile. "Go home. I'm going to stay with her. If we need a car or I have to leave I'll call you. But I'll be here now for several days."

"Yes, sir," Paul said and headed off to the car he'd brought Elizabeth out in.

Jason approached the cabin and wondered how Elizabeth would react to his arrival. He hoped she wouldn't be upset or think that he was crowding her. If she didn't want him to stay inside, he would take over watch duty outside and bunk down in the small guard shack on the property, but he wasn't going to leave her alone.

He opened the door after knocking to let her know someone was there. He bought this cabin for her to have a retreat, but just because he paid for it didn't give him the right to barge in. There was silence as he stepped inside, broken only by the sound of a fire in the fireplace. Instinctively he looked over and stopped short when he saw Elizabeth asleep on the couch, a warm blanket pulled over her legs. Unexpectedly, the memory of her falling asleep on the couch in his penthouse while waiting for him to come home after a night of searching for Sonny's killer hit him. Even more unexpected was the faint echo of the feelings he'd had for her back then.

His gut used to clench with longing when he would find her sleeping on his couch; he would always wish the circumstances were different and he was walking into his bedroom to find her on his bed. The memory of that, accompanied by a faint stirring in his stomach caught him completely off guard. "Oh, man," he breathed out softly in the silence. This was going to definitely be a complication.

Chapter 38

Thursday, March 3, 2005

"She what?"

His grandmother sighed and looked down at the rose painted china tea cup cradled between her aged hands. "She left town for a little while."

Steven sighed and planted his elbow on the table, his cheek resting against his palm. "I thought she might be doing better. When she stopped by a couple of weeks ago..."

"I thought so, too," she said wearily, sadness and concern bleeding into every word. "I wish I knew how to help her. She is in so much pain and...it's like she just curls in on herself."

He nodded slowly. "I've...every time I've stopped by to see her, she flits around her studio, quieter than I ever remember. Then when Jason shows up, she relaxes and becomes more like the woman I remember her being before this all started. But when I would try to talk to her..."

Trailing off, he shrugged. "I know it's been hard on her; it was a horrible thing. I didn't want to pressure her and I didn't want to abandon her."

"None of us did," his grandmother agreed with him. "Bobbie said she would stop by and Elizabeth would let her in, but was never completely at ease."

"The only person she's comfortable around is Jason," he said as he threw himself back against the chair.

Her lips pursed slightly before she shook her head. "I know what you're thinking. There was a time I felt the same way. Jason Morgan is a criminal and he's put her life in danger; I always wanted her away from him. But this...this is different."

"Different?" Steven raised a brow.

"He could have protected Sam," she stated. "He could have protected Sonny Corinthos' ex-mistress, but he didn't. He looked for Cameron without any of us knowing, he turned Sam in, and he refused to go away even when Elizabeth tried to push him away. We backed away because we didn't want to pressure her; he reached her when we couldn't. I will never accept his job, but I will respect him for helping my granddaughter. And while she needs him, I won't fight him. For now."

"For a moment, you had me worried, Gram."

"I worry about you, Steven," she said with a seriousness that made him frown. "You're pursuing Carly Corinthos, the ex-wife of a mob boss. She has children with him; he'll always be in her life, she has guards on her. How is that any different or safer for you than Elizabeth?"

She stood and rested her hand on his shoulder, her hand trembling slightly. "Before you judge your sister based on your vaunted relationship with John Durrant, take a look at your own life. Jason Morgan has looked out for your sister and for now..."

She walked out of the kitchen, leaving him behind. From his work with John Durrant, Steven hated Jason Morgan on principle, but he was attracted to Carly Corinthos, even after reading her police file. Was it the same thing with Elizabeth? Did she see beyond the criminal record and find something deeper like he did with Carly? Is that why she let Jason help her when nobody else could?

Steven sighed and looked down into his coffee. It was something he didn't want to consider, but he didn't want to be accused of being a hypocrite. Maybe he should find out what his sister saw in Jason Morgan.

"Where is he?"

Sonny looked up as Carly let herself into the penthouse. "Carly, what are you talking about? Where is who? Is it Michael?"

"No," she quickly shook her head. "Where's Jason?"

She came to a stop in front of him, crossing her arms over her chest as she demanded, "Where is he? He was supposed to meet me and the boys and he never showed."

"Business came up," Sonny shrugged with a nonchalance that infuriated her.

"Business," she scoffed, tossing her hair. "I'm sure. He would have called me; he wouldn't have disappointed Michael and Morgan."

Her ex-husband appraised her, his jaw moving as he smugly chewed his gum. "Well, Carly, sometimes things come up and he can't call. You know how it is."

She matched his arrogant chuckle with one of hers. "Yeah, but I also know he gets this way when that pasty little tramp gets her claws into him."

"What are you ranting about?" he questioned as he turned for the mini bar.

"I stopped by that awful little slum he's staying at with Elizabeth to see if he was there. I figured she had a fit when he told her he was going to leave and he stayed there with her. But nobody's there. So I want to know where he is and why he's standing up my children."

Sonny sat down on the couch and crossed his legs, resting his ankle on his knee. "It's always about you, isn't it? Jason has business and he's deliberating ignoring the boys...and you. You always have to slip yourself into the equation, don't you?"

"I'm his friend," she pointed out as she sat down in the chair.

"Did Jason really make plans with the boys?" he asked as he tipped his head to the side. "Or did you just decide you wanted to see him and when you couldn't immediately find him you invented this supposed meeting so you could claim that he's throwing our children over for the woman you hate?"

"Absolutely not," Carly asserted, hating how Sonny immediately presumed she was lying. "I would never use my children like that."

He laughed. The arrogant jerk actually laughed at her and her hand curled into a fist. "You would and have used your children. You know it, I know it, and Jason knows it. So tell me the truth."

"The truth," she snarled at him as she stood, "is that Jason disappointed my children.

"You mean he disappointed you," Sonny said. "Jason never mentioned the boys to me. But," he said with conciliatory condescension, "he did have to leave suddenly and we didn't have a lot of time to discuss anything but the business at hand."

He stood and crossed the room, grabbing his coat. "So I'll go see the boys. Explain that Jason had to leave and he'll see them when he gets back. In the meantime, I'll take them out to make it up to them."

Carly rolled her eyes as he opened the door and gestured for her to precede him. There was nothing she could say that would stop him from seeing his boys, and she couldn't keep harping on Jason being gone or Sonny would keep arguing with her. But there was no way he would convince her Jason was gone on business and not with Elizabeth Webber. Now, she just needed to get rid of Sonny so she could start searching for her friend and prevent him from making a mistake. He couldn't let himself get sucked in by Elizabeth Webber.

"No, I never told her that," Jason sighed into his cell phone.

"I thought so," Sonny said, a hint of disgust in his voice. "She probably went looking for you and then came up with this story when she couldn't find you."

"Yeah," he said wearily. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he looked down, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Don't worry about it, Jason," his friend told him. "I'll deal with Carly. You just take care of Elizabeth."

Glancing up at the sleeping form on the couch, Jason swallowed roughly. "I will."

"Good. That's the most important thing. Carly's just being Carly and she hates sharing you, it's just worse that it's Elizabeth."

Jason knew it would always be that way with his friend, but he'd hoped that one day Carly might come to respect him enough to butt out of his life. He didn't want to fight her, but she made it hard when she constantly went off on Elizabeth. It was even worse knowing she was lying about him standing up Michael and Morgan just to try to get information out of Sonny. She probably wanted to make sure he wasn't getting too close to Elizabeth, certain - in her own mind - that she was saving him from himself.

"How is she?" Sonny asked, his concern for Elizabeth clear in his voice.

"I don't know," he answered dejectedly. "She's been asleep the whole time I've been here. She doesn't sleep well so I don't want to wake her up."

"Give her my best, and don't worry about things here. I'll talk to you in a couple of days."

"Okay," Jason nodded. "Bye."

Hanging up the phone, he slipped it into his pocket and then scrubbed his hands over his face. Hooking them behind his neck, he stared down at the floor before standing in a burst of restlessness. He wandered the room for a moment before giving in and glancing over at Elizabeth.

She was still sleeping, the blanket twisted slightly around her legs from moving in her sleep. He hadn't spent much time in the front room, or even looked at her, after his unexpected realization when he arrived. This was a complication that they definitely didn't need and so he'd taken some time and sought a little space to regain his control.

Elizabeth was a beautiful woman, he had never denied that. Even when they were with other people and not on the best of terms he'd been aware of her. But this was not the best time for his old feelings to reemerge. She had lost her son, buried him only months ago, and was trying to put her life back together. He had once protected the woman who had destroyed her life and while he didn't feel guilt because she didn't hold it against him, it only served to show how quickly things had changed for them. It…just wasn't the right time for something like this to happen.

He walked over to the fireplace and crouched down, reaching for a couple of logs Paul had brought in earlier. The fire was dying down and Jason wanted to make sure the room was warm enough for Elizabeth. She seemed to always be cold, wrapping up in thick sweaters and burying herself under blankets. He didn't know if it was a physical or emotional chill that had gripped her, but he wanted her to be comfortable.

A sound caught his attention and he pivoted, looked over his shoulder. Elizabeth stretched, bringing her hand up to her eyes. He should say something, let her know he was here so she was frightened by his sudden presence, but his voice seemed broken. Letting out a sigh she straightened out on her back and then stiffened.

"Paul?"

Jason cleared his rusty throat and then said, "No, it's me."

Lifting her head she stared at him slightly confused. "Jason? What-what are you doing here?"

"Paul called us, told us you were coming up here, so I came."

"You didn't have to follow me," she said as she sat up. "That isn't why I left; I wouldn't do something like that."

"I know," he said as he crossed over to the couch and sat down on the coffee table. "You wouldn't pull a stunt like that. I came because I was worried, because I felt bad about leaving you alone last night and I... If me being gone is the reason, or a part of the reason why you left-"

She leaned forward and grabbed his arm, shaking her head earnestly. "No. Not...not entirely."

Deflating slightly, she drew her hand back and picked at the blanket covering her legs. "I don't blame you, and I am not angry that you weren't there. I know that you wouldn't have been gone unless it was really important, and so that means you were needed there by Sonny. But I...missed you."

He dropped his head and sighed in self-recrimination. "I'm sorry."

"Don't," she said firmly. "I told you, I'm not angry and I don't blame you, but I wanted to be honest. It...it was rough being alone and after," she broke off, swallowing roughly before looking down. "It was a rough day and my interviews...let's just say I didn't get the jobs. I needed to get away from town and I figured if you were going to have to be gone and I'd be alone that I'd rather be alone out here. Away from everything."

He sighed and moved onto the couch beside her, drawing her into his arms. She may not be angry or blame him, but he hated that he had contributed to her fears and isolation. He wasn't there when she'd needed him. Well, he wasn't going anywhere any time soon. He would make this up to her and would help her however he could. No matter how it affected him.

Chapter 39

Sunday, March 6, 2005

It was snowing again. She was so tired of snow; she wanted to see the sun shine, she wanted to go outside, anything instead of being stuck inside. She was tired of sketching, didn't really feel like painting, and the books she'd brought with her just weren't appealing at the moment. What she really wanted was a walk to burn off her nervous energy, but it was snowing too much to attempt it.

"We could go to town," Jason said, startling her by breaking the silence. He set his book aside and stood. "I didn't think about having a TV here, but we could get one and some movies."

A smile tugged at her lips, breaking through her gray mood. Tipping her head to the side she pointed out, "It's snowing."

"When has a little snow stopped you from wanting a ride?" he grinned at her.

"How would I carry the TV?"

When he paused and shrugged, she actually laughed out loud. She hadn't laughed in a long time. "I guess I hadn't thought of that," he said.

"Tell you what," she proposed, "the next time I come up here I'll get one. I don't need one right now. I'm just feeling restless; what I really would like to do is take a walk."

"We could still go for a ride," he offered. He would take her out, she knew that; anything to make her feel better.

"Have you looked outside?" she asked with a raise of her brows. "I think it might be a bit much, even for you."

Jason stood and walked over to the nearest window, twitching the curtain to the side to look out. "Whoa. That-"

"That's heavier than what it was even ten minutes ago," she said as she joined him at the window. "We wouldn't be able to see."

"No," he agreed, sounding regretful. "I'm sorry."

Waving a hand through the air she shook her head. "Don't be. I certainly wasn't thinking of taking a ride, not in this weather. But I do have an idea."

He turned his head, peering down at her questioningly. "What?"

"I found a deck of cards," she informed him. "Back when it was the Four Musketeers, Lucky taught us poker and Nikolas taught us Baccarat. You could probably beat me at poker, but I could probably teach you a thing or two about Baccarat."

The corner of his mouth turned up in response to her teasing as he nodded, "Maybe."

"You wanna find out?"

"Sure," he agreed.

She had a feeling he would agree to just about anything, but that was okay. It would keep her occupied and that was what she wanted because she didn't want to keep thinking about the same things over and over. She had left Port Charles to get away, regroup after her set back and after several days of quiet musing she'd had enough. She'd thought, she'd rambled, she'd discussed things with Jason, and now she just wanted to forget for a little while.

Elizabeth Webber was a surprisingly good poker player. Jason was a little surprised by that fact. She had such an expressive face that when they sat down to play he didn't think she would be able to bluff well. He thought she would be good at Baccarat, and she was, but she was better at poker than she'd led him to believe. Maybe that had been part of her plan, she'd sharked him.

Well, not completely. "Straight."

"Ugh," she groaned as she looked at the cards he'd just laid down and then put her own down, "that beats my two pair."

He chuckled and reached for her cards to shuffle for a new round, but she shook her head. "No more. I'm seeing hearts and spades on my eyelids. Plus, I should stop before I'm too deep in debt to you."

"Three bucks," he deadpanned. "Watch out. I'll mortgage your house."

"I'm hungry," she announced as she stood up and stretched her back. He found his eyes lingering on her figure under her sweater and forced himself to look down at the cards in his hands. "You want something?"

He put the cards down and stood. "Yeah. Let's see what we've got."

"I can cook...a few things," she told him, feigning hurt. "I started to learn after Cameron," her voice suddenly caught and he tensed. She swallowed and squared her shoulders and finished, even though her voice was softer and shakier. "A-after he was born."

"I know," he said softly, as he stepped closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She had done so much to be able to care for her son and he'd tasted her cooking in the days they'd been up here so it was certainly better than it used to be.

"I...I'm sorry." He'd only been teasing her. She had been doing so much better today; she had some of her former spirit and liveliness. Instead, he'd inadvertently hurt her, blindsiding her with memories of her son.

"It's okay," she said softly, giving her head a shake. "It just caught me off guard. I...I almost forgot for a moment. How...how could I forget?"

He pulled her to him, wrapping her in his arms in a hope to comfort her. "You didn't forget him. You'll never forget him. But the pain isn't always present, and that's not a bad thing, Elizabeth. You were teasing me; you were smiling."

Closing his eyes, he swallowed as he tightened his arms around her. "After months of watching you in so much pain...it's not a bad thing to not hurt so much. I want that for you. I'm just sorry that I caused you to hurt again."

"It's okay," she told him, wiping away a few tears that had escaped. "You didn't do it on purpose. Can we...can we sit down?"

He immediately nodded and they walked over to the couch. When they sat down, she didn't shy away from him as he'd thought she would. She tucked her feet underneath her as she turned to him, her hand on his arm. She seemed so preoccupied he wondered if she was even aware when her hand moved down to cover his own.

"It hurt," she said, "because it caught me off-guard. But I don't think that's a bad thing, I guess, because it's like you said. The pain wasn't right there. In that moment, I...I was having fun. I was teasing you; you were teasing me back like we used to do. You weren't watching what you were saying so that I didn't get hurt, and Cameron wasn't the foremost thought in my mind. I don't think I'm explaining this right."

"No," he said, turning his hand to cradle hers. "I think I understand. The same thing happened after I lost Michael. It hurt so much; you saw some of that."

She nodded and her eyes looked sad, but this time it wasn't for her loss, it was for him. "I could keep busy during the day but it would still hurt. And then I realized that it didn't hurt all the time or I wouldn't be thinking about it and then something would remind me. It catches you off-guard, and then it hurts all over again, but now you feel guilty because you were moving on."

Elizabeth looked away, but not before he saw the truth. She did feel guilty. Guilt because she probably thought she was forgetting her son if she didn't think about him constantly, if she let herself have fun or move forward. Jason sighed and reached out to place his hand on her shoulder.

"You shouldn't feel guilty, Elizabeth," he told her earnestly. "You will always remember Cameron and you will honor his life more by actually living yours and going forward."

Her eyes cut to him, a warning beginning to flash in them. But he kept going, "You can't stay stuck in the pain as your penance for him."

"That...That's not what I'm doing," she shook her head.

"I used to think after Michael that the only thing I deserved was my job and Sonny. That I shouldn't have friends and I shouldn't get involved with anyone. But I was wrong."

"Of course you were," she said vehemently, sounding angry. "Michael wasn't dead."

"But he was living with Carly and A.J. at the Quartermaines. I would never be his father again. I felt like I shouldn't be anybody's father, that I never would be again. And then," he looked down. The pain that time had faded, but the memory of it was still there and it still hurt sometimes. "Then when I thought I might get that chance again, Carly slept with Sonny and it was like losing him all over again."

Her touch on his shoulder startled him and he looked up. Her deep blue eyes were pools of pain, regret and compassion. "I'm sorry, Jason. I know how that time hurt you."

He nodded and before he could clear his throat enough to speak she continued on. "I'm sorry for getting angry with you. I just...I know that it's not wrong to move on with my life. I've talked with Bobbie and she's told me the same thing, but I still just feel guilty. If I have other children, how do I tell them about their brother? What about the man I marry...if he doesn't know? Will I ever feel that I'm not just replacing what I lost? Would it be fair...to anyone?"

Swallowing the jealousy that flooded him when he thought about her getting married and having more children, Jason brought his hand up to touch her cheek briefly. "Any man who loves you will love all of you, Elizabeth. And you are such a good mother that your children will be blessed to grow up with you taking care of them. Most of all," he said, his voice dropping down a pitch as her clear eyes clouded slightly, "you deserve to have a family. It's not about replacing what was lost; it's about finding something wonderful again. Because you deserve that."

He just wished it were somehow in his power to give it to her.

Elizabeth wrapped her thick bathrobe tighter around her, and then sat down to curl up on the window seat. The bay window of the main room was on the side of the cabin and overlooked the woods. The snow had stopped and the clouds were breaking up, allowing the moon to emerge at times while illuminating the landscape. The night seemed to glow softly and with the fireplace behind her giving enough warmth so she wasn't chilled, she found peace sitting there staring out the window.

It was a peace that had eluded her as she lay in her room trying to sleep. Knowing that Jason was only a wall away from her was causing her an annoying bout of insomnia. She didn't understand, and she didn't want to, why his presence, the knowledge of him lying in bed sleeping was disturbing her so. It had never bothered her to have him sleeping just on the other side of the screen in her studio. It had never bothered her the few times she had fallen asleep beside him as he held her, offering her comfort. Yet tonight she was bothered by his presence in her cabin in the woods.

It began after their talk. She didn't entirely understand it or comprehend it at the time; she had been confused and embarrassed at her wildly fluctuating emotions and remorseful for causing Jason pain by remembering losing Michael. It was only afterwards, as his fervently spoken words kept playing over in her mind that she became agitated for a new reason. A reason she was not at all pleased with.

As she thought about one day meeting someone and telling him about Cameron, she thought that she wouldn't have to tell Jason. He already knew about her son and he would know how to tell their children about their older brother who had died. And that was when she'd nearly dropped her dinner plate. Their children. When she thought about one day having a family, she pictured Jason in the role of the father. He was a wonderful father to Michael, cared about children so much, and she knew he would be a great parent. But why was she thinking about him being the father of her children?

Had she turned him into her new Lucky despite not wanting to? Was it just because he was the only person she would let near her after Cameron's death that she was thinking about him like that? If she had let Lucky help her would she be envisioning him as the father of her future children? What if it had been Nikolas, or Ric, or Sonny? Was it only because of proximity, or was it something more? And why did either option scare her so much?

She didn't know if she could handle feelings for Jason re-emerging. She was trying to put her life back together after losing her child; it didn't feel like it was the best, or right, time to start thinking about romance. Besides, Jason was a friend. He was a wonderful friend and a great support. How could she risk losing him by ruining things with her feelings? She needed him in her life, but it was safer and easier if it was just as her friend. For that reason, she had to stop thinking of anything more.

Chapter 40

Tuesday, March 8, 2005

Elizabeth screamed and then held on tight to Jason as he rose out of a curve and accelerated on a straightaway. He was being a little more cautious than he would be in the summer, but she didn't care. The mild spring air was cooler and because of their speed her eyes watered with the combination of cold and wind, but nothing would have stopped her from taking this ride with Jason. She could feel layers of pain and weariness peeling away with each turn and each acceleration and rightness settled in, confirming to her that she'd made the correct decision.

"Keep going?" Jason asked, calling over his shoulder.

Her eyes sparkled as she nodded immediately which caused him to laugh before choosing a new path and starting on it. After the storm two days ago, the weather had turned warm and by this morning no snow remained on the ground. The earth was moist and spongy and the rich smell signaling the end of winter seemed to tease the air. She would be happy to see winter go. It was trite, but she was ready for a new phase of her life to begin with spring.

A phase that helped curtail her reliance on Jason and curbed her feelings before they ran amok and ruined their friendship. She was not going to give into the fantasy of a life with Jason. She had done that once before and then nearly been crushed by how he clearly had not felt the same about her as evidenced by how quickly he moved on to Courtney. He had obviously never felt for her what she felt for him. Jason was her friend, a very good friend, but their relationship ended at friendship. She would not envision family scenes that involved him.

More than simply not wanting to get her spirit crushed, Elizabeth had another reason to not allow herself to envision a life with Jason. She refused to become like Sam. The woman responsible for Cameron's death had mistaken Jason's compassion and help towards her after Adella's death and believed it was more. She had believed Jason returned her feelings, that they could be a family together and all they needed was a baby. Cameron was now dead because of Sam's error. Elizabeth would not make the same one. She would not allow herself to think that Jason's earnest and tender words, his well wishes and hopes for her future, meant he wanted to be a part of it.

Jason was being a friend when he said those things, not someone who was hoping. He believed she deserved the best, as he always did, but he never thought he was the best for her. He believed she didn't belong, or fit, in his world, and maybe he was right. They had tried it once and failed miserably. Yet, they were friends and she hoped they always would be. Maybe she'd be another Carly in his life, someone who he'd do anything for but with whom romance was not part of the way things worked.

She could live with that. As long as they remained friends she would deal with it. Hopefully, he would find someone who could understand her presence in his life, and not resent her, and maybe one day she'd find the same. Then, everything would be fine.

For right now, Elizabeth had to not be around Jason so much. Which meant they needed to leave the cabin. She knew that if they were alone all the time her feelings would continue to grow and she needed to stop them before they took root. She was going to enjoy this day out riding with him, and tonight she would tell him that she felt it was time to go back.

Because it was. The cabin was her retreat, and it helped, but she wouldn't allow herself to hide out there forever. She had to learn to live in Port Charles and not run away every time something happening. The longer she stayed at the cabin the harder it would be to leave, so it was better to do it now before she came up with more excuses to stay. Then, once she was back, she was going to call Nikolas and tell him she'd reconsidered his job offer. Going to work, in the security of her friend's business, would be good for her. It would keep her busy, get her interacting with her other friends, help her meet new people, and most of all, help her not rely completely on Jason.

Once she had that going, then it would be time for Jason to go back to his apartment. Maybe she wasn't ready to face the nights alone quite yet, but she needed to be able to soon. Jason was a great security, but eventually every child had to fold up their blankie and put it away. Step by step she would regain her strength, or at least fake it well enough to make Jason believe her.

Tightening her arms around his waist, she let out a sigh and leaned her head against his back. His leather jacket was cool against her cheek, but the feel and the smell were one hundred percent Jason. It was comforting, assuring, and exhilarating. It was the exhilaration that frightened her at times. Because she knew she could easily fall back under the seductive sway that Jason and his life exuded and she had to find her own way if she was ever going to truly heal.

Elizabeth was pulling away from him. It was subtle, but Jason could feel it. While their ride had been the same as so many others in their past, exhilarating and carefree, and she seemed to enjoy it, when they got back to the cabin things seemed to change. She still smiled and talked as they fixed dinner together, but he felt like she was holding something back. He just couldn't put his finger on what.

During dinner she told him she felt it was time to go back to Port Charles. She had done a lot of thinking while she'd been at the cabin and she felt like if she stayed much longer she'd only be hiding. She refused to hide from her life.

Her mistake had been trying to make too big of a change. She'd felt that she should get a job on her own, with no connections to her past. That hadn't worked, and so she had rethought her earlier decision. Maybe it wasn't wrong to let her friends help her out. After all, it wasn't like Nikolas Cassadine had offered to make her an executive vice-president, nor had he demeaned her by only offering her a secretarial position; he'd suggested a place in the art department.

"Maybe it's time I swallowed my pride," she had told him. "Working for Nikolas won't be so bad, I suppose. And he'll certainly make sure no one asks me about Cameron during the interview."

Jason agreed that the Cassadine Prince would help protect her from such cruelty, and the younger man wouldn't hover over her endlessly like Lucky Spencer probably would. Jason and Nikolas would never really be friends, there was too much animosity still harbored because of Lucky and Elizabeth, but he could grudgingly admit that Cassadine was a friend to Elizabeth. And if she decided to take his job offer, then Jason would support her. It would be a better one than he could make. The only thing Jason had to offer was a secretarial position at the warehouse, or funding for an art gallery of her own. She was too good a woman for the former, and she would never accept the latter.

So tomorrow they were returning to Port Charles. Paul would be driving up to pick up Elizabeth's things and then would be waiting back at the studio for her arrival. Jason would take Elizabeth on his bike, and her eyes had fairly glowed at the plan. Despite the distance he seemed to feel, she still did love his bike.

Now she was off in her bedroom packing up and Jason was left with a restlessness he couldn't explain. Paul had been called and was prepared to come to the cabin, and Jason had called Sonny to let him know about their return. His boss had filled in on the latest business, as well as what had happened with Carly. She hadn't been happy about being caught in a lie, especially about an alleged promise to Michael, but she refused to believe Sonny that Jason was away on business. She was convinced he was off with Elizabeth and Jason could only imagine her rantings he would be subjected to once she knew he was back.

Wanting to avoid such a confrontation, even though he knew it would be inevitable, Jason had asked Sonny to keep his return quiet. He didn't want Carly to rush over to the studio and cause any problems. Elizabeth didn't need to be subjected to her crazy, and jealous attacks. Because Jason also wanted to make sure Elizabeth was okay and handling the return to Port Charles, he told his boss, and friend once again, that he wasn't returning to work right away.

Thankfully Sonny had understood and hadn't insisted they meet immediately. He said that whenever Elizabeth went to meet Nikolas, that Jason could come over to the warehouse. Since Jason figured she would be eager to meet with her friend and get everything about the job set up, he told Sonny it would most likely be Thursday. That had worked for Sonny and with everything squared away, Jason hadn't seen a reason to linger on the phone.

Now, he paced the living room aimlessly. It was still too early to go to bed, not that he would have been able to sleep anyways right now, and he just couldn't seem to sit still. The book he'd attempted to read lay abandoned on the couch. Nights like these in Port Charles, he would either play pool or go for a ride. With neither option available, he seemed ready to burst out of his skin with uncharacteristic agitation.

His unease centered around Elizabeth, but he couldn't understand why. On the surface, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her decision to return to town or accept Nikolas' job offer. Yet, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss, that Elizabeth was pulling back from him. He didn't need, or want, Elizabeth to be completely dependant on him, but he also didn't like the feeling that she was deliberately withdrawing from him suddenly. What had caused the sudden shift?

With a sigh, he stopped and scrubbed his hands over his face. He wasn't going to unravel the mystery of the sphinx tonight and he would only frustrate himself if he kept going down this road. He didn't know that Elizabeth was pulling away, it was only a vague, unsettling feeling. And, he had reminded himself, it wasn't that long ago when he hadn't immediately known or understood what Elizabeth was thinking. Her world was still in a bit of turmoil and she was dealing with it as best she could. What he perceived as pulling away could really just be her searching for her footing.

Maybe he was just overreacting, he told himself as he sat down on the couch, the nervous tension finally bleeding away. If Elizabeth felt good about this job, decided to take it, then that was a good thing. She was making progress and feeling better, and that's all he ever wanted for her.

Elizabeth nearly turned and retreated when she saw Jason lying asleep on the couch. There had been a soft glow from the lamp on the end table when she came out, but she first thought it had accidentally left on. Yet when she reached the window seat and curled up on it to look outside, she'd heard a noise and looked over to find Jason shifting in his sleep. She had nearly returned to her room, but then decided not to. He needed his sleep, he never got enough, and she didn't want to inadvertently wake him by moving. Besides, she could handle being in the same room with her friend.

She sighed and tipped her head to the side, letting her temple rest against the cool glass. The stillness up here was calming, but it was time to go back.

"Elizabeth?"

Startled, she turned to see Jason watching her from the couch. He had sat up and his arm was resting on the back of the furniture as he regarded her intently. She shrugged with one shoulder by way of greeting and looked outside. "Hey. I find it hard to sleep sometimes. I like to sit here and look outside. I hope I didn't wake you."

He stood, stretched, and then crossed the room to stand by the opposite end of the window seat. With a shake of his head, "I don't know that you did. It could have been the crick in my neck from how I was sleeping. Don't worry if you did, though, I don't mind."

She smiled as she looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He would never complain, and sometimes she just had to accept what he said instead of trying to argue with him, even when she thought he might need more sleep. She knew he wasn't going to walk off and leave her alone, unless she asked him to. She moved her feet in silent invitation for him to sit. He lowered himself down and then joined her in silently gazing on the moon-illuminated woods. She half-feared that he would try to talk, ask her what was bothering her or keeping her awake, but he didn't. Pretty soon she relaxed and was able to enjoy the serenity of the moment and the beauty of the outdoors. She didn't know how long they sat there, but the sky was beginning to lighten with the first hints of dawn when she began to feel drowsy again.

After a yawn that popped her ears and drew a soft chuckle from Jason, she lowered her legs to the floor and slowly stood. "I think I'm going to get a little more sleep."

He nodded, but didn't reply otherwise.

She took a step away, then paused and turned back to him. "Thank you for sitting with me tonight, Jason. Your friendship means a lot to me. You-you know that, right?"

"Yeah," he said, his blue eyes fixed on her as if he was trying to probe her soul. "Yours means a lot to me, too."

She smiled softly, content in the knowledge that whatever happened in her life, Jason would always be her friend. "Thank you," she whispered, and then headed for her room, feeling his eyes on her the entire way.

Chapter 41

Saturday, March 14, 2005

Jason shut the door, blocking out the curious and questioning glances of the guards, and let out a slow breath trying to ease the tightness in his chest. He set his bag down by the stairs and looked around. He was back in his penthouse, and he'd never felt more out of place in the room. It was too big, it was too bare, and the starkness of it all jarred him. Made him wish to be elsewhere.

He let out a huff as he crossed the room and opened the balcony doors. Stepping outside he told himself to be honest. It wasn't the room; it was the fact that it didn't contain Elizabeth. She was at her studio and he had returned to his penthouse. For good. And he hated it.

He had feared it the last day they were at the cabin, and it had happened. Elizabeth began pushing him away when they returned to Port Charles. It was subtle, but along with her pulling back it had been noticeable. He'd expected her to do this, it was a feeling he got after their ride, and so when it began he was able to spot the signs. But expecting it and understanding it didn't necessarily go together. He couldn't figure out her shift of behavior, despite all the reasons she'd given him.

There was a knock on his door and he turned to see it open slowly and then Sonny walking in. His friend looked around and then started towards the pool table when Jason stepped back inside and closed the balcony door.

"Max said you were back," Sonny said, his glance falling on the bag by the stairs and then redirecting it to Jason.

"Yeah," he nodded, his hand falling limply to his side after shutting the door. "Did you need something?"

The older man shook his head and turned towards the overstuffed chair and sat down. Jason headed towards the couch, a bit perplexed by Sonny's behavior, and sat. With his limbs resting on the arms of the chair, his friend looked very much like a Don and the younger man just waited, not flinching under the scrutiny from obsidian eyes.

"You're worried about her, aren't you?" Sonny finally asked.

There was no need to clarify, both men knew exactly who her referred to. Sonny wasn't oblivious to Jason's life anymore, though he didn't think his friend suspected the depth of his feelings towards Elizabeth. At least Jason hoped so. Or, he at least hoped Sonny would continue to exercise discretion.

Leaning back into the cushions and pillows and letting out a long sigh he confirmed, "Yeah. I am."

"Do you think she's in danger?" the older man asked. "From our business...or, from herself?"

Jason looked at Sonny with horror flashing on his face and forcefully said, "No. No, I don't think she'll hurt herself. I...I wasn't really worried at first, but I was concerned when I found her before Christmas. I thought she might just give up and hurt herself through neglect, not a deliberate action. But I don't feel that way now."

He gave a resolute shake of his head, ending the discussion. "And business is quiet, but she agreed to keep Paul for a while as a precaution."

"Then why are you worried?" Sonny asked.

Jason didn't quite know how to explain the unease he had. It seemed childish to say it was because it felt as if she didn't want him around anymore. With a sigh he said, "I don't know. It feels...it feels like she's pretending."

Sonny's brows furrowed. "Pretending? About what?"

"That she's more okay than she really is," he finally settled on saying. He stood and walked over to the mantle, staring blankly at the pictures placed there. "She does that. Acts like everything's okay, that she's okay when she's not. The day after we got back she met with Nikolas Cassadine and didn't come back until dinner."

"You were gone most of that day yourself," his friend pointed out.

"I know," Jason admitted. "But she would leave every day after that, come home and then just go to bed. She worked half days this week to train, but she would be gone all day."

And when she came home, she said very little about her day and he hadn't pressed her with questions. She didn't have to talk to him, but for whatever reason she didn't seem to want to talk to him.

"Was she avoiding you?" Sonny asked, honing in on the undercurrents in the conversation.

All Jason answered in reply was a shrug. "I don't know. I think...I think she was trying to prove to me that she was fine."

"Prove to you?"

"She...she's afraid to rely too much on any one person," he said, feeling slightly uncomfortable. He didn't feel it was his place to talk about Elizabeth's rape or how she only felt comfortable with Lucky afterwards and look how that ended. That wasn't his place to say, even if was was Sonny and Jason knew the other man would never mention it to anyone. So instead he changed gears slightly.

"She doesn't want to become dependent on me. She..." He trailed off and tugged his ear. "Elizabeth doesn't want to appear like Sam."

Sonny's eyes widened slightly and he let out a breath while slowly nodding. "Sam ended up making you her entire world after Adella died and Cameron died because of that. I can understand how she wouldn't want to appear similar to that."

"Yeah," Jason nodded. He could understand that as well, even if he felt the two women had handled the deaths of their children differently. But he couldn't fault Elizabeth for how she felt. "But it seems like she's rushing to appear better. That she's got a job, having lunch with her friends, that she's okay being on her own and so I can go and get back to my life."

Leaning forward, Sonny rested his elbows on his knees. "Did you expect to stay there forever?"

Jason gave a shake of his head. "No. I was there almost three months; I knew she'd get her feet back under her again."

"Well, maybe she has," the older man said, spreading his arms out and settling back in the chair.

"Two weeks ago she took off after the first time I was gone all night and she was left alone," he shook his head in rebuttal. "She told me she felt like she'd pushed too hard, too fast with trying to get a job and all. Then after a couple of days at her cabin she comes back and she pushes herself even harder."

"Maybe she worked things out in her mind," Sonny offered with a slight shrug.

"Yeah, maybe," Jason shrugged as well. But his was stiffer and less sure.

"You don't believe her?" his friend asked as he stood. "Or, don't you trust her?"

"I trust her," he answered immediately. "I just...I worry about her. I don't want her to get hurt because she feels she has to prove something nobody's asking for or push herself to do something she's not ready for."

Sonny stood and took a few steps towards him before sliding his hands in his pants pockets. "You're a good friend Jason, and you were there for Elizabeth in ways no one else could. I know because of Sam you feel...guilty, responsible."

Jason opened his mouth to protest, and the older man held up his hands. "It's more than that, I know. Elizabeth has been your friend for a long time and you would do anything for her like you would do for me or Carly."

When he nodded, Sonny continued. "So it's not just guilt, but because Sam was living with you, because she used our safe house, you do feel like you're somehow...that you should have seen it and stopped it."

"Sometimes," he admitted.

"That's all I'm saying," Sonny held out his hands. "But because you're Elizabeth's friend, you'll keep an eye on her, check on her; help her however you can."

"I will," he vowed.

Sonny stepped closer and placed a hand on Jason's shoulder. "Then that's all you can do. You'll adjust and things will settle back to normal."

"Yeah," he agreed, when what he really wanted to do was ask what was normal. Five months ago normal had been taking care of Sam and helping her through Adella's death. A month ago, normal was staying at Elizabeth's studio as she coped with her son being dead. How as he supposed to find normal, especially as he dealt with his reawakened feelings for Elizabeth? But he tamped those questions down and just nodded in false agreement.

"Alright," Sonny rubbed his hands together. "I'll let you get settled back into your place. We'll talk tomorrow about the upcoming week."

"Okay," Jason said. He walked with Sonny towards the door. He figured he'd do some laundry, maybe pick up some food, talk to Stan about a few things.

"Oh, be warned," his friend paused at the door. "Carly will probably hear from Michael that you're back, so-"

"She'll be beating down the door by dinner," Jason sighed wearily.

"Something like that," his friend grinned in amusement.

Great, Jason thought as he closed the door, something to look forward to.

"I know you're in there."

Carly huffed in annoyance and glared at the door before her and then raised her hand to beat on it once more. She knew Jason was back home, Michael had mentioned that when Max brought the boys home from Sonny's. So she called Leticia and told the nanny to come over and then Carly rushed over to the Towers to talk to her friend.

"Come on, Jason," she called out, banging on the door with the heel of her hand. "I know you're home. I will stay here all night; you can't ignore me forever."

The door remained closed, and locked, and Carly huffed once more because she didn't have a key to Jason's penthouse. He said he didn't trust her, claimed she would treat the place like her own and not respect his privacy. She only did things with his best interest in mind; it wasn't her fault if he couldn't see that.

"Jason, open the door," she demanded once more. She waited, and then smirked as she knew what would make him open the door. "Fine. Maybe you're not here. I guess I'll have to go check at Elizabeth's; make sure you haven't gotten sucked back into her trap."

Carly turned for the elevator, pressed the button and watched Jason's door. It remained closed, even as the elevator's door slid apart. Now Carly was getting worried. Was Jason calling her bluff, or was he really not there? She stomped her foot and went back to the penthouse and promptly pounded on it again. "Jason!"

The lock clicked as it slid back and she grinned when it finally swung open. "About time," she chided him as she breezed past Jason into the apartment. "I figured when I threatened to go over to Miss Muffin's place you would rush right out."

"Carly," he sighed. "What do you want?"

"I came to talk to you," she told him. "To see how you were and make sure you hadn't gotten sucked back into the twit's web."

"Will you give it a rest?" he demanded, his voice full exasperation, which wasn't unusual. It was also full of anger, and the anger was new. This was genuine displeasure, not merely annoyance.

She looked at him curiously. "Jason?"

"Why don't you ever listen to me?" he growled. "I get that you don't like Elizabeth. I'm not asking you to."

"Fat chance," she snorted, plopping down on the couch.

He glared at her, a cool, hard look she had only seen a few times directed at her. One of which was when she snuck into the twit's studio after she'd slept with Sonny. "What I have asked, is that you ease up on her," he ground out. "Stop attacking her for my sake; because she's my friend."

"She's taking advantage of you," Carly pointed out.

"How do you figure?" he asked as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at her.

"Oh, come on, Jason, it's obvious," she cried. "She's using her son's death to make you feel sorry for her so she can worm her way back into your life. And since you can't resist a woman in distress, or Elizabeth and her big doe eyes, you'll fall for it. And I don't want to see you get hurt."

He studied her for a long time; long enough to make her feel tempted to squirm. His lips were pressed into a thin line and a vein in his jaw ticked. Finally, he said, "You think I'm dumb, don't you?"

Her eyebrows dipped down. "What? No, Jason, I don't."

"Yes, you do. You think I can't take care of myself so you have to."

"I help you," she stated.

"You think Elizabeth will use me like Sam did, like you did. Both of you used your children against me," he said, his voice low and hard. "You're still doing it, Carly."

She stood up and quickly shook her head in the face of Jason's quiet fury. "No."

"Sonny told me," he said simply. "You lied to him, said I broke a promise to Michael and Morgan, all because you couldn't find me and Sonny wouldn't tell you where I was."

"I knew where you were," she said in disgust. "Some little getaway with the twit. I was trying to stop her from sinking her claws into you."

"Her son died, Carly," he stated softly, but his voice was still as unyielding as before. "She's trying to cope with that, plus the fact that Sam is responsible. The town looks at her like a circus side show freak and-"

"And you have to take care of her," she said with a bitter laugh.

"I'm helping my friend. I know helping others is a concept you're not familiar with, but try to think about somebody besides yourself for once." He turned and started for the door. "You need to leave."

"What?" she squawked in surprise.

"I'm not doing this anymore," he shook his head. "You will never listen, and I'm tired of dealing with this. So you need to leave. Don't come back until you're ready to accept that this is my life and my choices and Elizabeth is a part of it."

He opened the door and looked at her pointedly until with a flounce of her hair she started through it. She'd let him calm down and then she'd try again later. Jason caught her arm as she went past, pausing her. "Don't go near Elizabeth. I will leave orders with the guards to keep you away. By force, if necessary."

Carly's eyes widened in disbelief. He was treating her like an enemy. She tried to wrench her arm free from his grip, but he didn't release her. "I mean it, Carly," he stated on a low growl. And then he let her go.

She angrily stalked to the elevator, her fury growing when Jason closed, and locked, the door after she'd barely left. He had told her to go away, to keep away from Elizabeth. Carly seethed; the muffin was making Jason turn his back on his oldest friend. Well, orders or not, Carly was going to have a talk with Elizabeth Webber and tell her to stay away from Jason. Because Carly knew the signs and Jason was well on his way to being in love with the little twit again and that wasn't acceptable.

"He chose her, didn't he?"

Sonny's taunting voice made her jump as she waited for the elevator. She glared at her ex-husband. "Shut up."

"You know what the kicker is," he smirked. "Jason warned you to back off Elizabeth. All you had to do was respect him. And you know that she didn't ask him to choose."

"Of course she did," Carly shot back at him, seething with anger.

"No, because Elizabeth isn't like you and she doesn't try to control Jason's life. Think about that, Carly," her ex-husband said, taking no small amount of delight in the current situation. "And hope that Jason one day forgives you."

Then Sonny went back into his penthouse and left her standing in the hall. Just like Jason had. And all because of Elizabeth Webber.

Chapter 42

Friday, March 25, 2005

"I should get going."

Steven looked at his sister across the table and felt his brows draw together. She had hardly eaten anything, and now she wanted to rush back to work after only twenty minutes. He was worried about Elizabeth and had hoped to be able to talk to her. She looked thinner than she did last week when she got back into town and met with him and their grandmother. She also looked fatigued and he was concerned for her.

But he'd known that if he started in too quickly with his questions she would get defensive and annoyed at him. She would accuse him of hovering and not trusting her; Elizabeth would probably think he wanted her to move back into their grandmother's house like the older woman had voiced last week. He had no intention of supporting their grandmother, he thought it was better for Elizabeth to be out of the house - he would always remember her breakdown in Cameron's room - but he was still worried about her.

"What's the matter, your boss a slave driver?" he joked, trying to disarm her.

She gave him a wisp of a smile and shook her head, "No, nothing like that. I just," she gave a quick glance to the side, "I should get back."

Has she suspected his intent? Had he not been subtle enough? Steven was about to try to persuade her to stay when he finally looked over to see what kept pulling her gaze away for darting glances. When he did, he saw Carly standing by the bar and looking positively murderous. He was a bit taken aback at the fury on her face, despite knowing she didn't necessarily like his sister.

"Elizabeth?" he asked, wondering what had occurred.

"I should go," she repeated, reaching to gather her coat and purse. "Maybe it would just be for the best."

"No." It really wouldn't be for the best, but Elizabeth was already standing and slipping on her coat. Steven stood and reached out for her arm, but she evaded him as she pulled her hair out of her collar. "Wait, please."

"I don't feel up to this," she shook her head, but then gave him a wispy smile. "Come over for dinner next week and you can question me to your big brother heart's delight."

A disarming grin quirked his mouth. "Didn't fool you?"

She shook her head, thanked him for lunch - despite hardly eating any of it - and told him to call her when he knew his schedule. Then she was gone, and he could only watch her go. She eyed Carly surreptitiously and gave her a wide berth while Carly glared openly at his sister as she walked away.

Steven sat back down at the table dejectedly and waited. He barely had reached for his water glass when Carly appeared at the table and smiled at him. Normally he would have stood, but this time he didn't. She didn't even seem to notice since she was already seating herself in Elizabeth's abandoned chair.

"Hi," she smiled brightly at him, her hair falling over her shoulder as she leaned forward.

He gave her a tight-lipped smile. "Hi."

"Do you have to get back to work?" she asked. Apparently she wasn't even going to mention that Elizabeth had been here or that she'd glared at her as she left. Well, Steven would.

"What's the deal with you and my sister?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes and he felt his annoyance rising. "I know you love her, but Elizabeth and I have never, and will never, be friends."

"So why were you sending her death glares just now?"

She looked away and Steven leaned forward. He was discovering what many people had tried to warn him about; Carly Corinthos was a selfish person who gave little thought to others unless she could use them. All the arrogance, greed and selfishness of John Durrant, just better disguised in a pretty package.

He leaned even closer, practically in his plate and said, "Carly? Why were you looking at Elizabeth like you would have scratched her eyes out if I hadn't been here?"

"Look," she finally said, acting put out to answer him. "I know you don't want to believe it, but your sister is about to hurt my friend. She's already turning him against me and I'm sorry, but it angers me."

Steven couldn't help it, he laughed. Carly looked at him in annoyance, but it didn't stop his mirth. "You really have no clue, do you?" he chuckled. "Or are you as spiteful as people claim? Elizabeth is not trying to use Cameron's death to secure Jason Morgan. Anything he did to help her in all this mess with Sam McCall, he did it on his own initiative. Often without her even knowing about it. He's back in his apartment; Elizabeth has a job and is supporting herself. If she was all that you claim, then wouldn't she have moved into his place and let him support her? Like Sam did, or even like you did?"

She sat back in her chair, and crossed her arms over her chest. Whether it was in real or feigned indignation he didn't know. "Oh yes," he told her with a slow nod, "I've had plenty of people tell me about your past. How you've used your children to secure men in your life. So get off your high horse, get over your issues with Jason Morgan and stop blaming my sister for them, and most of all, don't go after Elizabeth."

He stood up and reached for his wallet and said, "And while you're at it, stay away from me. Go use some other guy on your pit stop between Sonny."

Then Steven walked away and left Carly sitting at the table. He had always judged his sister and Jason Morgan in a harsher light because of John Durrant's quest to bring him and Sonny Corinthos down. After all, Carly wasn't an active criminal; she had just made bad choices in the men in her life. Now, he saw things a bit differently. While he would always be professionally opposed to Jason Morgan, Steven had seen a glimpse of the man behind the rap sheet. And he was in essentials a much better person than Carly. Most of all, Jason had helped Elizabeth out. And judging by the way she looked with him a bit removed from her life, he wondered if his sister wasn't better off with Jason in it.

At least right now.

Elizabeth smiled at Paul as they reached her studio, hoping she masked her fatigue, and said, "Thank you, Paul. Have a good night and a good weekend."

"You too, Ms. Webber," he said in return as she unlocked and opened her door. "I'll see you Monday."

"Alright," she replied and then stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind her. She knew he would be listening for the click of the lock so that he could report she was in safely to the guard that would be replacing him in a little while. She wondered how long Jason would think she needed a guard now that he was no longer staying at her studio, but that didn't mean she was going to fight the guards. She wasn't bothered by them, and she honestly was too exhausted to mind them.

Leaning against the door, Elizabeth stared blankly at her darkening studio. The place felt so big, almost cavernous, now that it was only her. Jason would not be arriving after a day spent at the warehouse or with Sonny, they wouldn't fix dinner together, eat it while talking about anything and everything and then spend the rest of the evening doing various things until it grew late and they headed to their respective beds. She would usually fall asleep before Jason did and it would comfort her to see the light by the couch diffusing through the screen in front of her bed while he sat up and read or completed paperwork.

She hadn't had that comfort in a week because Jason had returned to his penthouse. He hadn't abandoned her; she'd all but kicked him out the door. Pulled back from him, did everything she could to show she was independent, that she was better, and that she didn't need him to hold her hand and coddle her. She told him he could go; in fact she'd all but packed his bag for him and pushed him out the door. What a nice thank you to a friend who had done so much to help her, who had done things without her even asking for them. She hadn't seen him once since he left, but that wasn't really surprising. She couldn't exactly blame him for not coming around; she'd told him to hit the road.

With a sigh, she pushed off from the door and crossed the room, sitting on the ledge by the window. She looked down at the docks, finding the bench she loved to sit on, especially with Jason, and then her gaze traveled across the wooden planks to the front door of the Corinthos-Morgan warehouse. The place wasn't bustling as it was during the day; she could only see a few workers filing out of the bay doors as they headed to their cars. Before she could stop herself, she wondered if one of those people were Jason. Had he been at the warehouse today? Had he gone about his day, or had he thought about her? Had he missed her like she missed him?

"Pathetic," she chided herself with a shake of her head. She stood and crossed the room, flipping on the light and told herself to stop thinking about Jason and just fix herself some dinner.

She had been the one who insisted he could go because she would be fine on her own. So it was time to start acting like it. It had been nearly a week, it was time to stop wallowing and missing him. Time to stop looking for him out of the corner of her eye or wishing he'd be joining her for dinner so she didn't have to eat alone. She used to eat alone before, she'd get used to it again.

Just because it might be easier to rely on someone, she knew she was right in her belief that she needed to find her own way. Hiding from something wouldn't make it go away, it only postponed the inevitable. She'd learned that after her rape and she just needed to remember the same principle now. No one could put her back together; she needed to find how to do that on her own. It was the only way she would come out stronger in the end.

But Elizabeth knew it wasn't just a sudden desire for self-reliance that had prompted her to push Jason back to his penthouse. She didn't want to let her re-emerging feelings for him burgeon and grow and she knew they would if he was around constantly. Jason had been a wonderful friend to her, he had given her so much support, and had reached her in a way that others hadn't been able to. But she'd been burned before by falling in love with her savior, she wasn't going to go down that path again.

Right now her life didn't have room for a romance. And the best way she could guard against more pain to her heart was to distance herself from Jason. She wouldn't turn him into another Lucky and she wouldn't become another Sam. She was doing the right thing for both of them and it would turn out for the best in the end. She just had to get through a little bit of pain right now.

She had just decided on making chicken and pasta when she heard a knock on her door. She wondered if the night guard needed something, or maybe someone had stopped by. But considering she had seen every friend and family member in town several times over the past two-and-a-half weeks she honestly couldn't imagine one of them just dropping by. Unless it was Emily or Nikolas trying once again to convince her to come to dinner with them tonight.

Opening the door, she had steeled herself for anybody but who was actually there. "Jason."

He gave her a small, almost shy smile as he said, "Hi."

They stood there for a minute, just staring at one another until Elizabeth suddenly remembered the guard, and her manners, and invited Jason in. As she closed the door she asked, "How are you?"

"Fine," he replied, his voice giving nothing away. "How are you?"

She opened her mouth to tell him 'fine', but instead found herself honesty replying, "A little tired. I'm still not sleeping well."

Once it was out there she wasn't sure how to downplay it, so instead she quickly changed the subject. "Have you eaten yet?"

Jason shook his head, "No. I was leaving the warehouse and I saw your light on. I came by to see how your first full week of work went."

Irrationally she felt disappointed that he'd asked about work, even though she just as easily could have been annoyed and felt like he was hovering if he'd asked how she was doing. So she put on a smile and said, "It was good. Nikolas and everybody have been really nice."

She took a deep breath and then said, "If you don't have to be anywhere, would you like to join me for dinner?"

"Do you have enough?" he asked.

She gave a wry laugh. "I'm still used to cooking for the two of us...for two. So, yeah, I have enough."

"Then sure," he said as he took off his jacket and hung it up on the hook that had become his by the door. Turning back towards her he asked, "What can I do to help?"

And just like that they fell right back into their old routine of fixing dinner together. As they did she felt the tightness in her chest that had been present since Jason left begin to ease. She felt more relaxed and comfortable than during all of the dinners and lunches she'd had with others. As the pasta began to cook and Jason turned to put plates and glasses out, Elizabeth had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from asking him to stay longer. To stay on her couch so she could finally get a good night's sleep, to stay the next day as well. Dinner was one thing, but she knew that she had to remain firm and not give in just because she felt better than she had all week long.

Chapter 43

Saturday, April 23, 2005

It was amazing how much things changed when she stopped and looked back on the passage of time. A year ago she was anticipating Cameron's birth, four months ago she'd just buried him and was wondering how she'd go on, and a month ago she'd worried that she was too dependant on Jason and she wouldn't find the ability to survive on her own. From anticipation to despair to hopelessness, it had been a year that she didn't ever want to live through again. But Elizabeth could now say she was finally starting to feel a little...better.

Her job was no longer just something to do to keep her busy. She enjoyed the challenge of her work, and she liked her co-workers. No longer did she have to force herself to get out of bed in the mornings, she actually found herself looking forward to going in some days. Nikolas had given her a job as a favor, because she couldn't handle the insensitivity of others she'd interviewed with, but she could see he'd put a lot of thought into her position. It was his way of doing everything he could to be her friend and support her.

She no longer felt that people were hovering over her, or pitying her, when they invited her to join them for a meal or go out to a movie with them. They could actually talk about things other than Cameron, and if they did mention her son it no longer threatened to shatter her. She still missed him, but it was no longer a bleeding, gaping hole in her heart. She could now laugh at a joke, or enjoy a day and not feel like she was betraying the memory of her son. She wasn't seized by guilt like she used to be, and she liked that.

Of course, she still missed Cameron. Some days it just blindsided her, paralyzed her with loss and grief. Some nights Elizabeth woke up in a cold sweat, her heart pounding and her arms aching with the need to hold her son, searching her memory for his scent and fearing she would never remember it. Her stomach would seize, cramping as if she'd swallowed a brick. She hated those days, but was relieved to find they were happening less and less. Bobbie had told her they would, but it was hard to believe at the time when she was still so lost in her pain. Now, she was finding truth in the older woman's words.

"Hey."

She looked up to find Jason watching her, a hint of concern clouding his eyes. His hands were hovering in the air above her shoulders as if he were hesitant to touch her, and it made a part of her sad that he was.

"You okay?" he asked. "You looked far away."

"I'm alright" she assured him. "I was just thinking about things...the last month and all."

"Oh?" he asked quietly, taking half a step towards her.

"When you went back to your penthouse," she said, turning away and walking towards the railing of the overlook, "I wondered if I would make it on my own."

"Elizabeth," he said, his voice dropping to a pained whisper. "I'm sorry. You could have said-"

She turned towards him, holding up a hand. "It's okay, Jason. I know that if I'd said something you would have come back. And if it had gotten really bad, I might have. But I had to see if I was strong enough, if I could rely on myself. I know it probably doesn't make sense, or I sound really ungrateful for all that you did. But it's how I needed it to be."

Jason shook his head slightly. "No, I understand. You explained to me about Lucky and your rape, and I knew you needed some time to yourself."

He paused and looked down, then admitted, "It didn't mean I didn't wonder how you were, but I didn't want you to feel like I didn't believe in your abilities. That's why I didn't call or see you right away."

"But then you stopped by that Friday after work and I was glad to see you," she told him honestly. "That week had been tough, I'd been having a hard time sleeping and I was missing you so badly I wondered if I'd already become too dependent. There was a part of me that wanted to ask you to stay on the couch that night."

"I would have," he told her, his voice deep and low, sending odd shivers through her. He really shouldn't talk like that; it played havoc with her resolve.

Feeling flustered and feeling her cheeks burning, indicating she was blushing, she was glad it was dark. She looked down at her hands and forced herself to take a deep breath to calm down. Once she felt more in control of her emotions she looked back up and gave Jason a warm, grateful smile. "I know you would have. And I told myself that if I laid there for half the night again I would call you. But that night...I slept better than I had all week. I thought maybe I'd just been exhausted, but the next night I slept again. And I felt better; and it was because you stopped by and we talked."

She wondered if she'd said too much, admitted too much to him, but a look of pleasure, or maybe it was relief - it was hard to say since Jason's face was partly in the shadows - crossed his face and she heard a smile in his voice when he said, "I'm glad. I'm glad I stopped by that day and could help you."

"You did," she admitted freely this time.

"So that's why I called you the next week. Things were starting to get to me again and I wanted to see you. So I called and invited you to join me and Emily for dinner. I had wanted to buy the both of you dinner but you wouldn't let me," she huffed at him, giving him a mock glare.

"You don't need to spend your money on me," he shook his head.

"Maybe I wanted to. You have done so much for me, Jason," she told him, the levity of the moment leaving. "It was my way of saying thank you."

"You can say thank you without buying me dinner," he told her.

"Well, sometimes I feel like I'm always saying thank you. Sometimes it needs something besides words. After a while, when someone repeats the words so often, they can feel a little empty and I wanted you to know that I really am grateful for you in my life."

"I know that, Elizabeth," he told her, his eyes looking a little troubled.

"Sometimes I feel like all I do is take, especially from you, and I wanted you to know..." She stepped closer to him and rested a hand on his arm. "Jason, I don't know if I can ever put into words how much you helped me. I didn't know how I was going to go on, I didn't know if I could survive, and every time I felt that I was lost you were right there beside me. You weren't finding the way for me; you just gave me the support I needed to figure it out for myself. So I need, for myself, to tell you how glad I am, how thankful, I am to have you as my friend."

Reaching out, she hugged him, her eyes closing against the tears threatening to overwhelm her. His arms closed tightly around her and she drew warmth and comfort from him. But when she began to enjoy the hug just a little too much and wished she could stay in his arms longer, she knew it was time to end it. It would be the only way she could keep her feelings for him checked.

Her smile was watery as she pulled back and pushed playfully at his shoulder to lighten the mood. "So the next time I want to buy you dinner let me."

He gave a chuckle and she could hear a smile in his voice as he said, "I'll take that under advisement."

She rolled her eyes. "You are such a brat."

As Jason followed Elizabeth down the stairs to the dock he clenched his hands at his sides to keep from reaching out to touch her. She had surprised him when they were at Vista Point, not only that she'd hugged him - she had held back in many of their recent times together - but also with her words. The emotion and insistence that she thank him, that he really needed to know how he meant to her surprised him as much as the physical contact. He had been worried that she felt she owed him, or would try to pay him back somehow, but she had eased his concern as she continued to talk. She compared her feelings to the time when she found him in the snow; she had helped him because she was his friend and had never expected anything in return. She accepted that he would tell her the same thing now. When he confirmed it, she accepted it and moved on.

So now he was fixated on the hug, and that she had seemed to linger in his arms. She'd pulled away almost as reluctantly as he let her go, and then had seemed flustered as she teased him. As if she was trying to lighten the mood. She'd cast around for a topic, before asking if they could go out on the bike again, go for a ride before heading back into town.

Now she didn't want to go back to her studio quite yet, so they were sitting on the docks staring out over the harbor. A freighter was passing behind Spoon Island and at the harbor's entrance a buoy sounded as it rocked with the waves. The sights, sounds and smells were comforting and familiar.

"Thank you for tonight, Jason," Elizabeth said softly after several quiet minutes. "I'm glad you weren't busy."

"Me too," he agreed. Of course, he wasn't going to tell her that he had worked it out with Sonny that unless it was absolutely unavoidable, he left when Elizabeth called and asked if he was available. And if he didn't hear from her in four or five days he'd call or stop by to see how she was doing. He had wanted to make sure he there if she needed him and now he was glad he'd done so. It had helped her to have his presence, to see him, to talk to him, and that was what mattered the most.

He had missed her, had wondered how she'd been but he'd forced himself to accept that she needed to do this in her own way for herself. Jason knew Elizabeth would find it, but the part of him that cared for her had a hard time standing back while she looked so lost and hurt. Eventually, though, she had begun to look better. Stronger and less haunted. And he supposed things had worked out for the best.

All except for his feelings for her continuing to grow. With anybody else the rides, dinners and games of pool could have been considered dates, but his and Elizabeth's relationship had never really been conventional. They were friends, best friends, who acted almost as if they were dating. But back when they'd been on the cusp of romance they'd only shared a few kisses and never had even one proper date. Their timing never seemed to be quite right.

Elizabeth sighed and stood up, rubbing her hands over her long sleeves. The nights were still cool, even if the days were pleasant and he stood and walked up beside her. "Are you cold?"

He didn't have a jacket on or he'd offer it to her, but Elizabeth shook her head and let out another sigh as she watched the water. "It's very peaceful here. And especially being with you. Sometimes, when I'm with you and we've just come back from a ride...I almost feel normal."

Her head tipped back to look up, but he didn't shift his gaze to look at the stars, he watched her profile. She didn't look troubled with grief shadowing her features, she looked peaceful and serene.

"Sometimes," she continued on, "I feel like it was before. Back when we were friends when you returned this last time...back before I had Cameron. And when I remember that it's not then, that I had Cameron and lost him, it doesn't hurt me like it once did. I still feel peaceful, and you're a big part of why I feel that way."

She turned to face him and said, "You're not the only reason I feel that way, but yes, you're a big part of it. And it doesn't make me feel overwhelmed or scared like it used to."

"I'm glad," he told her, matching her loose, easy smile with one of his own. After watching her struggle with pain, grief and depression for so long it made him happy to see her now so much lighter. However, that ease in her made it harder for him; he had to remind himself that she was still grieving and working through things. It wasn't like when he'd returned to town and they were about to embark on a romance. He had to remember that Elizabeth just looked to him for friendship.

"I knew that you would find your way, Elizabeth," he told her sincerely. "You are so strong, even when you think you aren't. I know you wonder about your future, but I don't. Because I've watched you find your way through things, and I've seen you show so much strength and I know that you'll always have that inside you."

Her eyes softened in the light as she looked at him and said softly, "When you say that, it makes me feel more confident. Like I really can be those things because you believe I can."

"Then I'll always be here to encourage you," he promised her. She may not understand the depth of his promise, but he would always be her friend and do anything and everything in his power to help her, to make her happy.

"Do...do you mean that?" she asked him, looking up at him in a way he hadn't seen before. He didn't understand the look, only knew that it made his chest tighten while his stomach rolled with the thrill of anticipation. He took a step towards her, nearly erasing any space between them until he caught himself and told himself that he was misreading the situation. Projecting his feelings instead of thinking of hers.

But he couldn't stop himself from raising his hands to rest them comfortingly on her shoulders and his head dipped towards her as he answered, "Yes. I will always be there for you, Elizabeth."

Then, not wanting to overwhelm her, or frighten her, he intended to take a step back. But she raised her hand up and rested it on his cheek and he was frozen, unable to move. She inched forward, lifting her head towards him and he watched, mesmerized even as he was filled with disbelief. This wasn't really what he thought it was. It couldn't be.

But her hand moved from his cheek to his neck and she tugged him forward even as she brought herself closer. Then he couldn't remember anymore, didn't know who moved or how, all he knew was that their mouths were joined. And nothing else seemed to exist anymore.

Chapter 44

Saturday, April 23, 2005

This was probably one of the dumbest things she'd ever done in her life, but she was in no hurry to stop it. She could feel every detail imprinting on her mind, and she hoped she'd be able to remember it forever. Jason's arms were around her, his lips were on hers and everything about him - from his smell, to his taste, to the feel of him against her - was invading her senses. It was amazing, and she firmly squelched the little voice in her head that told her she was making a colossal mistake.

Elizabeth hadn't started out this night intending to kiss Jason. She hadn't begun her conversation with him with that in mind. It had just...happened. He touched her arms to comfort her, was standing so close to her she could feel the heat radiating off him. So when he went to move back, she didn't want him to go. Her hand moved before she was really aware of it and her brain felt a step behind as she tugged him closer and down for a kiss.

Jason had seemed surprised at first, slow to respond, but the reluctance soon melted away. He not only responded, he did so eagerly. His lips caressed hers tenderly, alternating with moments of fierce conquest. He was gentle yet earnest, cherishing without making her feel like glass, and possessing just enough heat to make her skin dance. Through it all she matched him, but she was just reactionary. She'd started this kiss and she intended to enjoy herself. If this was a mistake she could never repeat, then she was going to make the most of it.

A ship's horn sounded out on the water, and it seemed to break through the haze surrounding them. Slowly they came to a stop, yet didn't let go of each other. They leaned on one another for support, their breathing ragged and strained. Awareness came back by degrees and when it returned fully to Elizabeth she stiffened in embarrassment. She'd been kissing Jason.

Her eyes flew open with panic, a sensation that intensified when she discovered he was studying her searchingly. She tried to step back, but Jason wouldn't let her go. "No," he shook his head. "Don't run."

"Jason," she tried to plead with him in protest.

"No," he repeated with a firmness he didn't usually show. "No. Please don't run from me. Let's talk."

He didn't really wait for her to reply; he probably knew that she'd try to make excuses and flee. Jason wasn't harsh or forceful, but he led her with determination to her studio and she found herself following along with no real fight. They didn't speak until they were inside, but once the door was closed she was the first one to.

"Jason," she began, trying not to feel trapped as he stood between her and the locked door. She knew he wasn't trying to frighten her; he just wanted to talk to her without her fleeing.

"Don't," he shook his head, the word almost a plea. "Don't...please."

She stilled and nodded just a fraction. That seemed to relax him when he believed she wasn't going to run. His hand rubbed over his face and Jason took a deep breath. "I...I'm not sorry that we kissed," he said softly, and Elizabeth's eyes widened at his admission. "But I'm sorry if you regret it."

Elizabeth bit her lip and looked away. It could be so easy to say she did, but it would be a lie. To say that she just got caught up in the moment, she didn't really mean it. She didn't want to do that though, especially when Jason had been so honest and said he didn't regret kissing her. She looked at him briefly, before her gaze slipped away again. She was having a hard time meeting his pleading gaze.

However, she forced herself to look at him finally, and shook her head. "I...I don't regret it."

His shoulders relaxed and he let out a slow breath. "I...I'm glad. Then why-"

"I'm scared," she admitted on a quiet whisper.

He crossed the room until he was beside her. "Of what?"

"Of this," she gestured vaguely between them. "I was scared it was all just me. That even though I'd tried not to turn you into another Lucky, I had. You helped me through an emotional ordeal; those feelings just became misplaced into romance or something. I don't want to lose your friendship, Jason. It means so much to me."

Putting his hand lightly on her shoulder, he directed her to the couch and they both sat. "You won't, Elizabeth. Even when we've had bad times, we've always come back to each other, haven't we?"

"Yeah," she said softly on a nod of agreement. "I just...the last time...when we didn't work out...we spent years not really being friends. I don't want to go through that again."

His eyes closed and Jason swallowed thickly, his Adam's apple bobbing once, then twice before he managed to clear his throat. When he looked at her, Elizabeth could see regret in his eyes, yet it was mingled with determination. "I know. And I know that there are no guarantees in life…all I can say is sometimes you just have to take a chance. I don't want to see you hurt; you've been through so much lately."

She bit her lip before admitting, "That's another reason I'm scared. I didn't want this to be just me looking for something, anything to help me get through this or to try to replace Cameron."

"Nothing will ever replace Cameron," he told her. "He'll always be a part of you. But your heart is capable of loving again. You are such a caring, loving person, Elizabeth, and you have so much to give."

"I...I'm starting to believe that." She was warmed by his assertion and she had begun to think about it over the past month. And many of her thoughts of the future had included Jason. "I just didn't believe you would feel the way you once had. I didn't want to pressure you, or be like Sam in any way. I was happy to have your friendship and told myself that would be enough."

"And what if there's more?"

"It almost feels like too much to ask for, to hope for."

Jason was silent for a moment, and then licked his lips. "When this all started, all I wanted to do was help you. I wanted to find Cameron so you could have him back. Then I wanted to help you when he was sick and then support you so you could feel okay with the decision you were facing. All I wanted was to be your friend like you'd been mine when I needed you most."

He paused, and then reached out, gently taking her hand in his. "Then I began to feel more than just friendship for you. I remembered all the good times we'd spent together and I just...I told myself it wasn't the right time. You were dealing with Cameron's death and weren't thinking about, or ready, for anything more."

"That's how I felt," she interjected quietly. "Was this really the best time to be thinking about romance? Was I really in the right mindset for it?"

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Me too," she laughed.

His smile was tentative, but beautiful and filled her near to bursting. "But now...now I don't want to go too fast, but I want to see. See if what we have, what we feel, could be real."

Tears collected in her eyes and her throat felt tight. Thinking of something more with Jason didn't scare her like it once did. It wasn't a physical danger; it was just the fear of the unknown future. Of taking a chance on something big that could be wonderful but could also fail spectacularly. Jason was right though, sometimes a person had to take a chance.

In many ways, Elizabeth felt safe with Jason. He knew her, he accepted her, and if he didn't always understand he didn't just cast her aside or dismiss her. He tried to understand why she did things, tried to accept her decisions or at least that they were hers to make. She knew that his job could bring physical danger to her, but she trusted him to do his best to protect her. The guard didn't bother her; she'd even grown accustomed to Paul's presence. She wasn't more accepting of the violence, she just understood now that there were more shades of gray in life than she'd once believed.

There was also a certain level of comfort in envisioning a future with Jason. He already knew about her past; she wouldn't have to explain Cameron's presence and then his absence. But she also knew very clearly that she wasn't just settling because it was safe or convenient to be with Jason. When she thought about her future, she always saw him in her life. She couldn't imagine him not being there in some capacity. The thought of that capacity being as her boyfriend, or even so much more one day, caused her to thrill with joy and warmth. It filled her with wondrous excitement, it made her want it with everything she had, and that was only reason she would contemplate it.

She was halting as she spoke, but as she talked she felt she expressed her feelings to Jason. They talked about the fears and doubts both of them had, but how they wanted this. They wanted to see where it could go, if the feelings they had now could deepen and strengthen their relationship. Jason had been the first to say that there wasn't any rush. They would take things as they came, face them together and not shy away from things that got rough.

It was emotionally draining for Elizabeth, but it also left her with a feeling of peace. She felt protected, cherished and oh-so-content. She knew the decision was right for her, and if nobody else agreed, she didn't care. She didn't want to loser Jason, or this feeling.

Jason shifted on the couch and moved Elizabeth, bringing her closer to him. It was late and she'd fallen asleep after their talk. He knew he should probably go, let her get better rest than she would curled up against him on the couch, but Jason didn't want to let her go. Not when such a breakthrough had happened tonight.

He'd been surprised by the kiss, but he'd seized the opportunity to use it and show her everything he was feeling. When it had ended, he saw the panic the minute it entered her eyes. She would have run and then avoided him if he hadn't done something. He didn't want to go through all of that again with her, and so he hadn't made it easy for her to leave. Now, he was glad he had.

They talked, about their fears, their hopes and they finally seemed to come together. He knew it wouldn't be easy from here on out; people would feel the need to warn her against him or tell him to stay away from her. There were also their own issues to overcome, but Jason was determined to make it work this time. He wanted Elizabeth in his life. Not to shelter her or take care of her, but because he wanted to share the experiences - the ups, the downs and the in betweens - together.

He wasn't thinking about everything that could happen in the future, he just wanted to enjoy things as they came. Maybe one day they would be a family; maybe one day there would be other children they'd tell Cameron about. Jason believed that whatever happened would be right for them, and that was what mattered most to him.

The weight against his side shifted, and he sensed Elizabeth was awake, even before she lifted her head. Opening his eyes, he raised his head off the back of the couch and turned to meet her gaze.

"You're still here," she said softly.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"What time is it?"

He shrugged his free shoulder. "Late. Or maybe it's actually better to say early."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you."

He smiled at her and said, "I'm not. I like holding you."

Elizabeth blushed and ducked her head, settling it back on his chest. "I like it, too."

Warmth spread through him at her simple admission. He lowered his head back onto the couch, and shifted again so he could stretch his back. Elizabeth let him get settled and then she molded herself against him once more. A smile came to his lips at the naturalness of the movement, especially since they'd only just admitted the truth of their feelings. It didn't feel like it'd happened too quickly, maybe because of the comfort level they'd developed while he was staying here. Besides, he mused, as he closed his eyes once more, he wasn't going to over think this.

Especially not tonight.

"Do you need to go?" she asked.

"No."

He could practically feel the smile against his chest, and could certainly hear it in her voice. "Good," she said, her voice soft and sleepy. "I'm glad."

"So am I."

The End

Author's Note: Ah, the end. Such a time of mixed emotions; ending a story and hoping that it was a satisfactory ride for you, the readers. Hoping that you enjoyed it, found something to appreciate in it. Most of all, I hope that you aren't disappointed in the ending.

To me, this wasn't a romance story. It wasn't a story of Jason and Elizabeth in love and being all hearts and flowers. This story started out of my absolute hatred for what they did during the Sam delivery storyline. As a mother of three who has been induced with each pregnancy, I felt that the show just bungled that storyline. There isn't a greater chance of the child dying due to induction; it's only nominally higher than the risk of death due to spontaneous labor. The greater danger is to the mother. When a woman is induced, she is monitored constantly and the doctors and nurses are constantly attuned to what is happening to her and most especially to the baby. I firmly believe that if Sam had agreed to be induced, they would have noticed the baby going into distress and she would have already had doctors and nurses attending her when they needed to do an emergency C-section. Her child could have lived. Not saying it's a guarantee, but the chances would have been greater in my opinion. PSA over.

I felt that most of all, Sam was selfish in her decision. So this story evolved into showing the differences between selfish and selfless love. Elizabeth chose to make something worthwhile of Cameron's death by donating his organs. No, I don't like Sam, I loathe Sam and Jason, but this wasn't a story about "getting revenge" on Sam. She was just a convenient tool to use to put Elizabeth through the wringer and showcase what heartbreak a parent goes through in these circumstances.

For that reason, I wasn't interested in writing a traditional romance between Jason and Elizabeth. In fact, I extended the story simply to give closure and satisfaction to the readers to get Jason and Elizabeth to the point where they could contemplate a romance. Elizabeth had to come to a place where she didn't believe she was replacing Cameron, nor was she turning Jason into Lucky and she wasn't turning into Sam. Jason didn't want to seem like he was taking advantage of the situation, he just wanted to help his friend through one of the worst things in life and see her happy again. The fact that they found that happiness with each other was an unexpected bonus to both of them.

I hope you'll forgive me for not ending this story in the traditional 'epilogue' vein of in a few years the Morgan family, with their brand new baby, goes to the cemetery and introduces the child to big brother Cameron. Or the family sits around and Jason and Elizabeth tell their children about the brother that isn't with them. I could envision those things happening, based on internal thoughts and dialogue both of them had in speaking about the future, but I didn't necessarily feel like it was right for the story. Elizabeth was no longer as heartbroken, Jason was no longer as hesitant, and they were willing to explore the future. What that future is, I felt was best left up to the reader to envision.

I was more interested in the emotions Elizabeth went through, and how Jason was a vital and integral part of her recovery without becoming her be all and end all. I hope you found something you like in there as well.

Thanks,
Lea

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