Set three months after Man To Man. Elizabeth isn't being too forgiving of Jason. Written for JewelTone's Montage Challenge at The Canvas.
Jason opened the door of Kelly's and stepped inside, shaking the rain from his collar. He walked through the empty diner and sat at the counter, turning over his coffee mug and then waiting for Bobbie to finish her phone call. The nurse had her back to him, but he could tell by the set of her shoulders something was bothering her.
She sighed into the phone before speaking. "Elizabeth? Are you there? Alright, it's Bobbie and I'm just wondering where you are, sweetie. You missed your shift last night and Penny said you didn't call in. So if you could call me, I'd appreciate it. Thanks."
Hanging up the phone she turned around and saw Jason sitting there. She picked up the coffeepot and started towards him. "Hi, Jason."
"Bobbie," he said, watching as she poured his coffee. "Something wrong?"
"I don't know where Elizabeth is, and it's not like her to miss a shift."
It wasn't like her, nor was it like her to not answer her phone. Worry already began to seep into his bones. He began making a mental list of places to check before he stopped himself, remembering that he wasn't certain Elizabeth was in trouble. Just because he hadn't seen her for the last four days meant nothing. She wasn't in his life anymore, and the worry in his bones turned into a pool of regret.
For nearly the last three months since he'd returned from Brazil, he'd done everything he could to get her back into his life. And she had clung all the harder to Ric, rebuffing Jason's attempts to just talk, get back the friendship.
"For months you ignored me, Jason. Seemed pretty content to never even acknowledge me. But now that you broke up with Courtney and she's planning on leaving town you figure why not see if good ol' sweet, stupid, gullible, poor pathetic Elizabeth will take you back. Because she's obviously been pining away for the great Jason Morgan, so why wouldn't she?"
His gut had shredded when she spoke, and his throat grew raw with emotion. He left that day when she asked him to, and it hurt worse than all the times she had chosen her loyalty to Lucky over him. He knew that her anger at him was justified, but he couldn't take the way she put herself down. Assuming that she was his second choice because Courtney was moving away.
He'd hoped to wear her down with kindness. He always came to Kelly's, always sat in her section, tried to engage her in conversation over anything, but always stopped when she put up the icy wall of indifference. Kindness didn't seem to be working. Neither, apparently, were perseverance and determination, but Jason wasn't giving up. Because he could see the hurt behind her eyes still, and knew that the wall of ice was just her defensive technique. He just needed to talk to her, explain, try and make her understand that he was wrong before, that he'd made a mistake with Courtney and he was willing to try, for real this time, with Elizabeth.
Being on the outside of her life looking in was starting to get to him, though. He was lost; drifting through a state of limbo. He knew he couldn't change the past, but he refused to go forward without her.
There's a ship out on the ocean, at the mercy of the sea
It's been tossed about, lost and broken, wandering aimlessly
And God, somehow You know that ship is me
Walking through the rain, Elizabeth didn't even feel as it turned colder. Nor did she feel the exhaustion she knew she should, having been up for over twenty-four hours. All she felt was numb and the endless need to keep going.
She knew she'd missed her shift last night. She'd heard the concern in her boss's voice, as she sat in her darkened studio. She'd come back from her morning class yesterday, intent on painting before her shift started in the afternoon. She wasn't sure what made her do it, but she dug into the back of her closet and pulled out Jason's painting. Her eyes had welled up as a swirl of emotions ran through her.
First there was anger. Anger over Jason letting her walk away, moving on so quickly, and then for not leaving her alone when he came back after being gone for a month. Then came the familiar feeling of regret over everything she had lost with Jason. She missed him, their talks, rides together, the ease they used to share.
The fact that she couldn't stop thinking of Jason threw her into a blind rage. After all this time with Ric, saying she was happy, that he was so much better for her than Jason, it was all a lie. She was stuck, unable to let go. And she finally admitted that to herself.
The realization came, as she stood baseball bat poised in front of The Wind. She was breathing heavy, sweat dripping off her face, her arms quivering after having smashed everything in her studio. But she couldn't break that one painting. She couldn't do it, even though she wanted to. She felt if she could destroy it, then she could truly know she was over Jason.
But in all the mess of her studio, that one painting stood out. Still intact, it mocked her. Shouted out her failures and her weaknesses. Taunted her, was the symbol of her life falling apart around her. She was lost, adrift, and the one person that could bring her back wasn't in her life because she had pushed him away.
Because there's a lighthouse in a harbor, shining faithfully
Pouring its light out across the water, for this sinking soul to see
That someone out there still believes in me
He drove, heedless of the rain that was turning to sleet. He had to find her. Her studio had been destroyed, but he knew she'd done it herself. He could feel the hurt and anger still hanging in that room like a blanket. It hadn't been ransacked to find something; it had been destroyed to release powerful, raw emotions. The studio mirrored the room at the Quartermaine mansion the night he snapped.
The one thing that kept him from being more worried than he was already was his painting hadn't been destroyed. It stood pristine in the middle of the room, calling out to him. Just like she always called out to him. If she hadn't destroyed it, then she hadn't given up on him, on them, completely.
And he had to hold on to that. If she ever gave up, he would be forever lost. She kept him grounded, knowing that she still cared despite what she may say. Her actions didn't betray her heart.
No, the betrayal had been his. He had taken all the good she gave him, and tarnished it because he was afraid. Afraid she didn't deserve someone like him, that he would destroy her. Afraid that if he ever let her in fully and she walked away he would be destroyed. What he hadn't realized was she had come completely inside, and without her, he was lost. He had to get her back. He had to find his anchor again.
So he searched, looked for her in every place he could think of. Jakes, where they first met; the bridge, the estate, the docks, Vista Point. There was one place left and as he pulled out of the parking lot of Vista Point, he fishtailed as he hit the ice forming on the road, but he didn't care. He had one destination in mind.
On a prayer, in a song
I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on
Raining down against the wind
I'm reaching out until we reach the circle's end
When you come back to me again
She stood in the clearing, looking at the structure. The rain falling down, had turned into ice with the cold, causing it to cling to the trees in a ghostly manner. The world shimmered and she was brought back to another time. She could see the snow, the figure lying motionless, and she closed her eyes, willing her memories away.
She pushed back the door and pulled herself up inside. Even as she took in the faded paintings, and the paper still tacked to the walls, all she could focus on was where he sat that December morning. She couldn't hear Lucky's laughter, or his song, all she could hear was his voice. It cut through the fog that closed in around her, obscuring her view of shore.
"Put your coat on."
Just when she was ready to give in to the call of the tide that offered to take her farther away, his voice kept pulling her back.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Elizabeth, Elizabeth. Ok. We're just going to move back right over here. Ok? It's ok."
"You need to stay - you have to help me - help me take care of you."
"Just tell me about Italy, ok?"
"Tell me about some painting you want to see or where you want to go-"
His voice washed over her, warmed her from the inside and she slumped to the ground. Tears streamed down her face and she wrapped her arms around herself as she gave in to the misery and the loneliness.
There's a moment that we all come to
In our time and our space
Where all that we've done, we can undo
If our heart's in the right place
Her life had been so cold, so lonely, and so void since October and she just couldn't understand how they got there. How they went from the highs of "I can try" to the lows of "Go to Hell". She missed him, she ached for him, and she was tired. So tired of pretending.
She wasn't over him. Ric would never be him. And no matter what she tried to do, her heart was stuck in the past. Wrapped around the man who had become her best friend, her soul mate, and the person who completed her and made her life worth living.
Should the past matter? Why should she hang on to the hurt and pain when they got her nowhere? Shouldn't she at least hear him out, give him the chance to explain? He hadn't given up these past months, and her heart longed to talk to him. Her soul ached to find out what he wanted to tell her.
She couldn't continue to live her life like this. She was in nothing, and she yearned for the person who had saved her from nothing once before.
On a prayer, in a song
I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on
Raining down against the wind
I'm reaching out until we reach the circle's end
When you come back to me again
He stepped into the clearing and slowly let his eyes drift over the place he'd once called home. But he wasn't thinking of those times. All he could remember was a December morning when emotional and physical pain had bled into one and he'd come here to give up, not sure what he had left.
"Jason? Jason! Jason. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No, this can't be happening. Jason! Jason? Can you hear me? Jason, wake up. Come on, you need to wake up! Come on. I can't help you if you don't open your eyes! Jason? Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. Are you ok? What happened? How did you get here?"
Her voice had pulled him back from the darkness. Made him go forward when he just wanted to give up. She still did that for him. Even when she walked away from him, she was still connected to him. He went on because she was still out there. He knew now that his life without her wasn't worth living, and he was determined to convince her of that.
Stepping up to the boxcar he took a deep breath before he looked inside. If she wasn't there he wasn't sure where else to look. His breath came out in a rush when he saw her inside. Wet, cold and shivering she sat where he had that day she managed to get him into the boxcar.
"Elizabeth."
Again and again I see
My yesterdays in front of me
Unfolding like a mystery
You're changing all that is and used to be
She opened her eyes slowly; sure she was imaging; just hearing things. After all, she'd been caught in her memories, and so it was only natural that she'd hear him now. But when she opened her eyes, he was there, leaning in through the doorway. "Jason?"
He pulled himself up and knelt down beside her. "Elizabeth. What are you doing out here?"
She closed her eyes and sighed. "Thinking."
"Elizabeth, you're freezing. How long have you been here?"
She shrugged, still not opening her eyes. "It doesn't matter. Nothing does."
She heard rustling, and then a weight settled across her chest. She briefly opened one eye, and saw his leather jacket resting on her.
"Stay here," he said as he stood. "I'll be right back."
He returned shortly, and knelt down again beside her. Lifting his jacket off, he pulled her forward. "Come on, let's get this wet coat off you."
Slowly she submitted, her sluggish brain not responding, as he pulled her soaked jacket off her arms. Soon she was drowning inside his jacket, with a blanket tucked firmly around her. "Thanks."
"Sure. Wouldn't want you to catch a cold."
"Who cares?" Being sick would allow her to hide away from the world, and that sounded really good.
"I would."
His admission warmed her, but she merely closed her eyes. "I'm so tired. Having an excuse to just hide in bed sounds good."
"Elizabeth," he asked as he took a hand between his and rubbed it to warm it, "what's wrong?"
She could hear the worry in his voice. She was probably scaring him, or at the least confusing him. After all, she'd been cold and angry with him for months...and now she was just quiet and resigned. "My life."
"What?"
"My life is wrong," she whispered, her voice growing hoarse with emotion. "I'm so tired of my life."
"Elizabeth, please..."
She opened her eyes when he trailed off, and she could see tears welling up in his blue eyes. She felt the shift of the tides, but this time she wasn't being pulled out to sea, but closer back to shore. His gaze was a beacon; calling to her, telling her there was a harbor waiting to shelter her. The storm could rage, but she would be protected. "Jason."
He kept his eyes locked on hers, pulling her through the swirling sea that had once threatened to drown her.
"I hate what my life has become. I hate the hurt, the inability to let go and move on. Most of all," she paused and tried to blink back her tears, but they crested and ran down her cheeks. "Most of all I hate what's become of us. The hurt and the distance."
He squeezed her hand in his, while his other lifted to wipe the tears away. "I know. I hate it too."
"Have you ever had someone come along who made you understand what the point was? The point of being alive at all, and then proved it all by being gone and leaving you with nothing?"
On a prayer, in a song
I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on
Raining down against the wind
I'm reaching out until we reach the circle's end
When you come back to me again
His breath caught in his throat and he was unable to speak as she went on. "Do you know what nothing feels like?"
"Yeah," he whispered hoarsely. "That's pretty much where I live."
"I don't want to," she told him, her eyes locking into his again. "I don't want to live there anymore."
"Me neither," he said, his voice dropping, his thumb running across the back of her hand. "I'm lost without you."
"I am too," she admitted, new tears flowing down her cheeks. "I tried...I tried to move on, but he wasn't you."
"I know. She wasn't you." He shifted onto his knees and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry I didn't try with you."
"Me too," she choked out, as she turned and wrapped his arms around his neck.
He brought his arms up slowly, and wrapped them tightly around her. He had found her. She had pulled him back, rescued him from the nothingness. Feeling her arms tighten, he hoped it meant she needed him as much. Meant that she had finally come back to him again.
When you come back to me again
When You Come Back to Me Again - lyrics by Garth Brooks and Jenny Yates. 'Frequency Movie Soundtrack' and Garth Brooks Album 'Scarecrow'
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