Jason returns to Port Charles...but what happens now with Elizabeth?
Welcome to Port Charles.
The stewardess is cheerful as she chatters on about the temperature and local time, but the words are lost on me. All I can focus on is my breathing, and the fact that I'm home. A place I wasn't sure I'd ever been again when I blew out of here all those months ago.
The night Elizabeth tried to make me see my drinking was out of control I left with every intention of heading to a bar and drinking her voice away. When Johnny arrived with the car, he kept his face neutral and looked right through me. I know I said a lot of things that night trying to get to him to say something back, or maybe even pull the car over and take a swing at me. But he drove in silence until we reached Jake's, and then he only spoke to say Elizabeth told him to deliver a message. He handed over the envelope and then drove away.
I didn't want a letter from her. All it was going to be was another plea for me to stop drinking, or a note telling me she was running away again. Either way, I didn't want any part of it. I put it in my back pocket and went inside to get good and properly drunk. I forgot all about it until I pulled it out, folded and crinkled, a week later when I did my laundry.
My initial anger gave way to curiosity as to what excuses she would give, because I'd convinced myself she would leave town just like she'd done before. Instead, I was surprised when she said she was staying in town. Because she was having a baby. Our baby.
She was pregnant and she hadn't told me at the cabin. She claimed it was because she refused to use the baby to get me to change. I had to want to change without that knowledge, and it was clear I didn't. Elizabeth said she wouldn't keep me from my child, but I could only be around them if I wasn't drunk. She wasn't going to expose the baby to my destructive nature.
I hated her. She was having my baby and she was telling me I wasn't good enough to see it. It was just like when Carly took Michael and said I'd never amount to anything other than a glorified dock worker, not a proper person like A.J. I thought about confronting her, even went to the penthouse to do so, but she was no longer there and Brenda refused to tell me where she was. All she would say was Sonny helped Elizabeth buy a house, put guards on her, and that was all the information I deserved in my drunken state.
That was the night I left town. I wasn't going to stay in a place where my friends were conspiring to keep me from my baby. Most of all I didn't want to stick around and see Elizabeth.
So I left. I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't care. I didn't even tell Sonny. He'd figure it out, or I'd call him later. It didn't matter to me anymore.
It didn't matter for a long time, until one morning I woke up beaten in an alley in a town I didn't even know the name of. Four days were completely unaccounted for. That was when I began to finally allow that there might be something wrong. I thought I just needed to reign myself in, like I had before. But when I had my second black out and woke up in a drunk tank of a small Southwestern town I had to admit I was out of control.
Using a fake name, I entered a rehab center in Tucson, Arizona and finally confronted my problem. It wasn't easy, but I made it through. Elizabeth's letter became my strength, my reason to survive the tough days. What once had been my excuse for getting drunk, then became my inspiration for getting sober.
I had a child on the way, and a woman I still loved that I'd abandoned. They both deserved better than what I'd been. And I wanted to change. For them, and for me. I was tired of drowning my mistakes and hurting others and myself. I wanted to be there for Elizabeth, to try to make it up to her for leaving her alone, and I wanted to be a true father to my child.
When I got out of rehab, I called Sonny and told him I wanted to come home. His voice was neutral, no emotion at all, but he said he would meet at the airport. So I now walk down the concourse a little anxious about what kind of reception I'll encounter with Sonny and the guards. The limo is waiting outside the terminal door and Johnny climbs out to open the back door for me. He doesn't look at me or say a word and I can sense he's still mad at me.
Sonny doesn't say anything until we're pulling away from the airport and are on our way into town. "I keep telling myself," he finally says, breaking the silence, "that I don't have a right to demand explanations. You're your own man; this was your personal life, not business. But I have seen a broken woman, a woman I call my friend, cry over you leaving and I do want to know what was going through your head."
"I killed a child," I say softly, admitting for the first time what happened. "On the job in Puerto Rico... I rigged the car, the breaks failed. Perfect accident just like Francis taught me, completely untraceable..."
I look out the window, taking deep breaths to try to keep the tears at bay, but they fall anyway. "He had his kid with him. A little girl Kim's age, and I killed her. I killed a child."
"Jason," Sonny says, his voice husky. "Jason, it was an accident."
"I know. I know that now, but then...then I couldn't handle it. I couldn't tell Elizabeth."
"But you could have told me. I'm your friend."
"I couldn't," I shake my head. "I saw you with Kim and I-"
"I wouldn't have blamed you, or thought less of you," he interrupts, knowing what I couldn't put into words. "So that's why you were drinking?"
"It started that way. Then I was mad at Elizabeth...and then I just needed the drink more than anything else." I swallow thickly and finally let my gaze fall back on my friend sitting across from me. "H-how is Elizabeth? Did...did she have the baby yet?"
"She hasn't had it yet," he shakes his head, "but it's due in two weeks. First babies are usually late, so it could even be a month before she has the baby. As for Elizabeth," he pauses and looks out the window. I do as well and notice we're in a neighborhood full of gated houses. "She wanted to tell you herself."
"What?" My eyes are wide as I look back at him.
"I told her I heard from you and you were coming home. She said if you asked she wanted to see you. So the question is, do you?"
We stop outside a gate and I glance back out the window nervously. Of course I wanted to see Elizabeth; I just wasn't expecting it to be tonight. I thought I would have to work hard to convince her to talk to me. I know though that this may be my only chance, so I nod at Sonny who lifts the phone and instructs Johnny to tell Francis we're here.
"Francis?"
"He's her main guard. She's carrying your baby, our enemies would figure it out - and they did, she needed security. The house has state of the line everything. The best security she could have not living at the penthouse since she said she wouldn't live there because it was yours."
"Thank you for taking care of her," I tell him, deeply grateful for all he did to take care of the two of them when I wasn't here. I feel ashamed that I never once considered her safety, or the baby's.
"You've taken care of my family, Jason," Sonny brushes it off. "Of course I would look out for yours. Now, go talk to her."
I nod and climb out of the limo and walk up the steps to the front door. I can't see them in the dark, but I know there are guards and cameras watching me, and anyone else who might approach the house. I hope Elizabeth doesn't feel trapped by the security measures or resent me for not putting them in place myself. Even though I was mad at her, I cannot believe I never thought of protecting her, even after Brenda told me she moved out of the penthouse.
I ring the doorbell and shift slightly on my feet. When Elizabeth opens the door I am struck by how beautiful she looks. Her face is fuller, and she absolutely glows in the soft light spilling out behind her. It is surprising to see her slight frame swollen with her pregnant stomach, emphasized by the pale pink clink top she's wearing. I try to take it all in, but my brain just can't process it all so quickly.
"Hello, Jason." Her tone isn't cold, but it certainly isn't warm and inviting.
It snaps me out of my perusal of her and I clear my throat raggedly. "Hi, Elizabeth. Can...can I come in?"
She nods and steps out of the way, allowing me to step inside. The house is furnished in warm, rich colors, and it fits her. Walking past me into the living room, her steps are a little slower as she waddles just a bit. Gesturing to the chair, she sits down on the couch and pulls a faded blanket over her legs. "I was surprised when Sonny said he'd heard from you. I figured you'd bolted for good."
"I deserve that. I...I had intended to leave," I admit, "but I finally realized what you were telling me that night. I wasn't ready to listen then."
"I know," she says as she rests a hand on her stomach. "I had to try, though."
"Because you found out you were pregnant."
She nods and bites her lip. "Are you mad at me for not telling you at the cabin...for telling you in a letter I gave to Johnny?"
"I was," I say slowly. "At first. I thought it was another attempt to badger me into changing, but now...I understand. I may have tried to change for the baby if you'd told me then, but I don't think I would have meant it. You were doing what you thought was best. I understand."
Her shoulders drop just slightly, the worried tension leaving her face as she realizes I'm not going to yell at her or be mad for what she did. "How...how are you doing?"
"I'm sober," I tell her. "I went to rehab, and I have a sponsor."
"You're going to meetings?" she asks in surprise.
"Unexpected, I know, but I'm committed to this, Elizabeth. I want you to know that, even though you probably won't believe it yet."
"I...I want to, Jason," she says softly, shifting on the couch in search of a more comfortable position. "The fact that you're here... But you also said you never wanted to see me again, and even though I tell myself it was the alcohol...it hurt."
"I know. You may not believe me, but I will do everything I can to prove to you that I mean it. I'm here, Elizabeth. I'll help any way I can for you and the baby."
"I have to see it, Jason. I'll let you be there as much as you want. You can come to appointments, be there for the delivery, see the baby as often as you like. But it's gonna take time for me," she says, her voice sad, almost apologetic.
"At least you're not kicking me out," I answer, grateful for the opportunity I have.
She smiles so fleetingly I almost miss it before a frown replaces it. "You didn't hold it against me when I left and all but sicked Carly on you. You gave me time to figure out what I was going to do. I wasn't thinking clearly then, and you weren't either. I...I love you, Jason. I still do. We're having a baby, and I'm happy about that."
"So am I," I smile, my eyes filling with tears in response to hers. "I never thought I'd have that. Not after Carly took Michael from me."
"I'm not punishing you," she says, leaning forward and holding out her hand. I slide from the chair and take it, reveling in the fact that she's initiated contact with me. "I just need time to see that you're really sincere. That this isn't just a brief stop on another trip to the bottle."
I know she's not trying to hurt me, I can understand her reluctance. And I nod, telling her I understand and also in silent promise that I will do everything I can to regain her trust.
Three weeks later, I sit in my twenty-first AA meeting. My sponsor wanted me to attend daily meetings for the first month, and so I have. I told him depending on when Elizabeth goes into labor I may miss a night, but that would be the only reason. Sonny and I didn't really speak about it, but I'm only working at the warehouse right now, we've had very few discussions of other business, and he hasn't given me any assignments. There's no chance of me being gone for that, or so far, for Elizabeth having the baby.
She's a week past her due date and she's ready to deliver because she's very uncomfortable. Brenda's told her she went long with Kim, her doctors told her things are going well with her pregnancy, but she's ready for it all to be over.
True to her word, Elizabeth has let me spend as much time with her as I've wanted. She told me when her next doctor's appointment was, and I accompanied her. She immediately introduced me as the father, said I'd been out of town, but I finally made it home. When the doctor smiled and let us listen to the baby's heartbeat, I felt a sense of completion. I may have accompanied Carly to her appointments and heard Michael's heartbeat, but this time it was really my child I was hearing and Elizabeth said nothing as she smiled tenderly and reached up to brush the tears off my face.
She's even been indulgent and let me spend most of my days with her at her house. She's restless and can't seem to get comfortable, yet she's also exhausted and sleeps at the drop of a hat. More than once I've gone into the kitchen to fix a plate for her only to come out and find her asleep. I asked her if I was bothering her, if she felt like I was hovering, and she shook her head saying she'd rather it was me watching over her than Brenda or Sonny.
I know I should keep my mind on the meeting and stay to talk to my sponsor, but all I can think about is getting out of here to get back to Elizabeth. When the meeting finally ends, I stand, stretching my back. Matt comes over and we turn to get some coffee, but I stop when I see the figure in the back of the room. "Elizabeth?"
Walking over, I sit beside her, Matt following discreetly behind me. "Are you okay?" I immediately ask. "What are you doing here?"
She looks up briefly at Matt, then back at me. "I asked him if it was okay if I came. I just wanted to see you."
He steps forward and grins, "It's a bit unusual, but she said it was special tonight, so I agreed. It's nice to meet you, Elizabeth, I've heard all about you. Good luck with the baby. We'll see you tomorrow, Jason."
When he leaves I turn to look at her, my gaze still running over her. She looks a little pale to me. "Are you really okay?"
"I'm fine," she assures me. "I just came to see you. I'm not trying to insult you, but I'm proud of you. I see that you really are making changes. You're making me believe...I do believe, Jason."
I can only nod, relieved and happy that we appear to have taken another step forward. Then she grins through a wince and takes my hand. "So I have a question for you."
"Anything," I grin back.
"Are you ready to go to the hospital and have a baby?"
You may Email Me comments if you like, or use the form below:
