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Chapter 28

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Snow crunched under their feet as Jason and Elizabeth walked across the clearing. Their breath hung in the air, thick clouds of condensation that trailed behind them and were the only punctuations to the silence. Elizabeth didn't seem to be in a mood to talk, so Jason walked quietly beside her. He didn't mind the solitude and he didn't want to push her to speak; she would talk if she wanted to and if not he would just share his company with her.

These times, these outings, were for her. She wanted to get out of her studio, but she didn't want to be in the midst of crowds. Too many people still made Elizabeth uneasy, and she didn't want to encounter people she might know who would say something to her, give her their condolences or want to talk about how she was feeling. And she wasn't up to seeing other children yet.

They went to the bridge or Vista Point, or any anywhere she wanted to go that was remote and where she'd have the solitude she wanted. She always made these trips with him. She didn't want to go with a guard and Jason understood that. She didn't fight him about the guards, she never even so much as grimaced or sighed displeasure about their presence, but he knew she wasn't that comfortable or friendly with them. She would wait for Jason to be available, or she wouldn't go out.

Today he'd come back from a brief meeting with the warehouse's foreman to find Elizabeth in her jacket with her gloves and scarf on, ready to go out. She looked agitated and she would have gone out with Pete who was on duty. He knew whatever had put her in this state was big, but he wasn't going to push her. He merely told Pete he could go home, showed Elizabeth the keys to his bike and took her for a long ride, looping back on the roads several time until he felt some of the tension begin to ease from her.

Now they were walking around the old estate after parking at the bridge. Elizabeth hadn't calmed as much as he thought she had and she eventually couldn't contain her agitated pacing to just the bridge. Jason didn't say anything; he just tucked his hands into his jacket and walked beside her wherever she led.

Finally, he could see that the walking was calming her down, and her frantic walking slowed. She tugged on the tops of her gloves, and then at the bottom of her jacket; Jason was about to ask her if she was cold when she paused and took in a deep, shaky breath. He stopped and just watched her, remaining silent and letting her take her time. She seemed like she wanted to talk to him and he wasn't going to press her.

Just when he thought she was about to say something, she shook her head and turned back for the bridge. Jason just walked beside her, ready to do what she needed. Talk, go home, stand in silence, he would take his lead from her. When they were on the bridge, she stopped and leaned her arms on the stonework railing, looking contemplatively out over the gorge.

"Thank you for bringing me here today," she said quietly, speaking for the first time since they left her studio over an hour ago.

"You're welcome," he replied softly. "I hope it helped."

"It did," she said on a labored sigh. "I'm sorry I-"

"Elizabeth," he gently cut her off. "I didn't say that to make you apologize. I don't care that you were quiet because you were upset or whatever is going on. I just want to help if I can."

"You do. You are. I just...I just needed some time to calm down and process today."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked cautiously. He wanted her to feel like she could talk if she wanted, but that if she would rather not he would respect her decision. He knew that it helped Elizabeth to talk, even if she didn't require an answer or seemed to reach a solution on her own during her rambles. She just didn't deal well when she kept everything bottled inside her, especially now.

"Jennifer Cole stopped by to talk to me today," she said, looking blankly above his shoulder.

"The ADA who's trying the case?" he asked. "What did she want?"

"She wanted to go over my testimony one more time," she said as she raked her hands through her hair. Bracing her elbows on the stone railing she stared blankly ahead. "She went over questions the defense might ask me. My relationship with you…she even warned me they may bring up all the stuff with Zander since he was Cameron's father."

"Why?" he asked, hoping to control the fury that began to bubble up inside him.

She shrugged, a bit stiffly, the pain of talking about it evident. "Jennifer said it's common practice, discredit the victim. But she would object if Sam's lawyer tried it. She just wanted me to be warned in case they tried it and she couldn't get the judge to stop it."

Jason clasped his hands together in front of him as he leaned his elbows on the bridge, mirroring Elizabeth's position. His hands hurt from clenching them so tightly together. While he shouldn't be surprised at a defense tactic, especially from someone Sonny hired, it still angered him. Because Elizabeth was the last person who deserved that kind of treatment.

He wondered if he should talk to Sonny to see if he could contain the lawyer since he was paying for the man, but he wasn't eager to ask a favor of Sonny. Their relationship hadn't been repaired enough for something like that yet. He decided instead to pass the command to Judge Duarte, that if the defense started on that tactic, he would sustain the prosecution's objections. He would not Elizabeth be blamed or placed on trial for her son's death, not when he had the means to prevent it. Elizabeth blamed herself already, he wasn't going to add fuel to her self-castigation.

"Will you be okay during the trial?" he asked.

She took a deep breath and looked over at him. "I don't know," she said honestly, tears beginning to shimmer in her eyes. "I don't know how I'm going to deal with seeing Sam."

Jason reached over and covered her hands with him, and squeezed hard enough to force her to look back up at him. "Elizabeth, I will be beside you every step of the way and I promise you I will help you through this."

Elizabeth blinked quickly, but tears crested and traced down her cheeks. She knew even before he said anything that she could count on Jason. She knew he would attend the trial with her - unless something extremely important came up, he was cooperating with the prosecution - Jennifer Cole had mentioned needing to get in touch with him to go over his testimony, and he was doing it all for her. But the strength of his declaration, the power behind his promise, touched her deeply and she reacted to it immediately.

"Thank you," she whispered, shifting her hand to squeeze his tightly.

"You're welcome," he assured her.

Lifting his arm he brought it around her shoulder and pulled her to his side. She turned into him and wrapped her arms around him as she let her tears fall freely. Jason embraced her, soothing his hand over her back and letting her just cry out the hurt, the frustration, the nervousness, everything she was feeling. Calming, she pulled back slightly and sniffled. She reached up to wipe her face, but he was already there, erasing the moisture gently with the pads of his fingers.

"Do you want to go back?" he asked her.

She shook her head, turning slightly but not leaving the protective circle of his arms. "I'd like to stay if that's alright."

"It is," he assured her. "We'll do whatever you want."

They stood in silence for a while, and Elizabeth was content, and grateful, to simply draw from Jason's strength. He had been supportive of her in ways she couldn't even begin to count or name. He seemed to understand her moods, sometimes even before she did, but he never pushed her to name them or talk about them. He merely let her feel them; go through them in her own way and time. He never got upset if she turned sullen and refused to talk to him, or even if she took out her anger, sadness or frustration on him. Which always made her feel guilty when she realized what she was doing, but he would wave away her apologies.

She harbored no disillusions that he was perfect or was the only person who could help her. But she knew that he probably understood her best out of all her friends. Jason knew the pain to have a child ripped from him; nobody else could possibly comprehend how that felt. Except for Bobbie who had lost her daughter and had been there for her as well, but Elizabeth was more comfortable around Jason. She could open up to him easier, and that was most important to her.

She knew that Jason wasn't fixing her, he wasn't trying to put her back together, he was giving her the space, support and help to fix herself. Having once believed that Lucky was the only reason she made it past her rape, she wasn't going to do the same thing now. She relied on Jason's strength, but she knew that she had to find her own way to deal with and move on from Cameron's death. Elizabeth would never forget her son, but she was finding some mornings she actually woke up without a searing and blinding pain lancing through her immediately. And she took some comfort in that.

A part of the reason, she suspected, was because she was living in a place she had no memories of. And most importantly, no memories of Cameron. While the layout was similar to her old studio, she had given up her studio long before she became pregnant with her son. What she thought about most of all was Jason, and the winter they'd spent in her drafty studio. It was because of memories of Cameron that she'd moved out of her grandmother's house, and why she was grateful Jason had come looking for her and was staying with her now. She was by herself with him, alone but not completely at a time she needed to piece her life back together, and she really didn't want it any other way.

Eventually, she knew she'd have to deal with the outside world. It would happen a little sooner than she felt she was ready before because Sam's trial started in four days and she knew her friends and family would be there. The downside of this whole experience was that half the town, drawn by morbid curiosity because of Jason and Sonny's involvement, would be there as well. She didn't want to have to face them, but knew there was no preventing the spectacle that was to come and that she was going to be in the center of.

She sighed and shifted, which caused Jason to drop one arm, though one remained around her shoulders. "I know I've already said this," she said softly, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, "but thank you."

Looking down and finding herself too nervous to stand still, she took a couple of steps away, his arm trailing after her until she was out of reach. The rough feel of the stones under her hands felt far away, even through the gloves, and whether that was from the cold or her nerves she didn't know. "I'm nervous about the trial," she admitted, not looking at him this time.

"About seeing Sam?" he asked.

"Not just her, but everybody. My family and friends," she paused. "They'll be there to support me and I want that. It's the thought of the curious people in town who just want to stare at us like we're animals in a zoo that bothers me. The media who will be there...I just don't want this to play out like another O.J. Simpson trial."

Jason stepped up beside her, letting his arm brush reassuring against hers. "I wish I could tell you that it won't," he said with a burdened sigh. "But with Sonny involved..."

"I know," she nodded slowly. "Jennifer said she's trying to get the judge to close the courtroom, but he hasn't ruled yet."

"Hopefully he will," Jason said, a look passing over his face so quickly she couldn't read it or even be certain she'd seen it. "You don't deserve to be subjected to a circus. That's not fair to Cameron's memory."

"I just..." She trailed off and shrugged. "I just wish I could jump forward and have this all be over with. I really don't want to go through a trial. I just...I don't know."

"I understand," he told her. "But like I told you already, no matter what happens or how long this takes, I will be there for you."

Chapter 29

Monday, January 17, 2005

When Elizabeth woke up at four, unable to sleep any longer, it was snowing. She discovered it when she gave up trying to fall back asleep and crept out to the main part of the studio and perched on the window seat to gaze outside. The lamp on the docks illuminated the new snow on the ground, indicating it had been falling for a while. She had been a little surprised that Jason didn't wake up when she came out, but she was glad he didn't. Even Jason got tired and needed to sleep, and she was grateful for the time to herself.

Sam's trial started today, and Elizabeth wanted to try and get a handle on her nerves and emotions. Or at least find a way to cope with them before she appeared in the courtroom. This would be the first time she would see Sam since before the other woman took Cameron. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to prepare herself for the encounter. Elizabeth had such a swirl of emotions towards Sam, she honestly didn't know which one would dominate when she was actually in the same room with the woman who was responsible for her son's death.

When Jason woke up around six he was surprised to see her up, especially when he heard how long she'd been awake. Yet he didn't push her when she tensed up, clearly conveying she was barely holding herself together. She fled down the hall to shower, and when she came back Jason had fixed a small, easy breakfast. Then he left to go shower and dress and wasn't there to watch over her as she half-heartedly picked at the food on her plate. When he came back, and most of her food was in the trash, he didn't comment. He just told her that when they were ready to go, Marco and Paul would drive them to the courthouse.

She was grateful for the guards' presence when they arrived and faced a large throng of reporters on the building's steps. Local and national news crews were pressed together and surrounded the car when Paul stopped. Jason told her to wait until the guards were in place, and then the three men formed a protective bubble around her. When a reporter from Court TV shoved a microphone forward as he shouted a question, nearly hitting Elizabeth, Marco strong-armed the man out of the way while sending a lethal glare in his direction. He never even looked back when the man yelled at the Italian for nearly knocking him to the ground.

Once inside the building, they still had to push through reporters, as well as curious citizens who came to gawk but couldn't get inside the courtroom. Inside Courtroom 2, the building's largest room, things were slightly better. Security was thick and they were keeping out reporters, as well as most people not connected to the principals of the case.

Jason looked around once they were inside and then turned to Marco and Paul. "Go wait for Mrs. Hardy and escort her inside when she comes."

"Thank you," Elizabeth whispered to him as she pulled off her gloves and unbuttoned her winter white wool coat. It was just like Jason to think of sending the guards to help her grandmother past the crush of reporters, and she wanted him to know she appreciated it.

Jason briefly dipped his head in acknowledgement, but then he put his hand on her back and propelled her forward to the chair behind the prosecution's table. As she sat down he peered at her in concern. "Are you okay?"

She took a deep breath and then looked down at her hands. "I knew the reporters would be out there, but there were just so many of them. I...I'm glad they're not in here yet."

"They won't be in the courtroom."

She and Jason looked up at Jennifer Cole as she walked in through the side door and over to the table. The ADA put her stuff down then walked around the low railing separating them from the front of the room to talk to Elizabeth. "The judge closed the courtroom to reporters. He said he wasn't going to let this play out in the media, you didn't deserve to have that happen."

Elizabeth sagged in relief and reached out for Jason's hand. She felt a burden lifted off her knowing that the proceedings wouldn't be televised, that Cameron's death and Sam's connection to Sonny, would not be sensationalized more than it already had been. Jason squeezed her hand and when she looked up at him he gave her a small reassuring smile. He knew how she'd been dreading having every moment of her heartbreak played out of the cameras for everyone to watch.

They sat quietly as people began to enter the courtroom, Jason's hand remaining entwined with hers, giving her strength. Her grandmother and Steven arrived; taking seats on her other side. They spoke softly, mostly to thank Jason for the guards' help to get into the building, and then they fell silent as well. Her gram had taken her other hand, and with every person that came in and said a few words to them, or caught their eye before taking their seats, the older woman gave her a reassuring squeeze.

Emily, Nikolas and Lucky took seats behind them, along with Bobbie and Monica. More people came in, like Ric and Alexis, but the pair slipped unobtrusively into the back row. They didn't demand people notice and acknowledge them like Carly did when she made her entrance into the room. Sonny's ex-wife came right to the front where she spoke to Jason loudly and only briefly acknowledged Elizabeth. She finally gave up the spotlight when Bobbie gave her no room to resist, demanding she sit down beside her.

The room had barely finished watching Carly claim her seat when its attention was commanded by Sonny Corinthos. When Elizabeth saw him come in, she turned away and focused her gaze on the court officials milling around the front of the room. Her grip tightened to a vice on Jason's hand until he leaned slightly towards her, resting his free hand on her knee and whispering a few words to her. She focused on his words, ignoring the mobster's look she could feel resting on her. The courtroom was buzzing like a hive and she closed her eyes and took deep breaths to keep herself grounded. It wasn't a surprise that he was there to support Sam, but she couldn't deny that after all she had seen Sonny endure and tried to help him with, he was turning his back on her.

The buzz suddenly stopped, as if the room collectively took a breath, and then it began again. Louder. Elizabeth knew that Sam had just entered the room, but she didn't open her eyes. Her grandmother tightened her grip on Elizabeth's hand, and she felt Steven lay a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she kept her head down. She would face Sam when she was ready, and she wasn't yet.

It wasn't until the bailiff called for order and for the room to rise, that Elizabeth knew she was going to have to open her eyes. As she stood, Jason's firm grip grounding her, her blue eyes drifted open and her gaze floated to her right. Sam was dressed in a beige suit, her hair pulled back at the sides; she looked poised and calm as she stood looking at the judge. She wasn't crying like she'd been during most of Elizabeth's encounters with her after Adella's death, and it made her wonder if Sam had been that calm when she walked into the daycare and took Cameron.

She didn't look like a monster and she didn't look crazy. Elizabeth wasn't really sure what she expected the other woman to look like, but she wasn't expecting Sam to look so normal. How could she have planned to take a baby that wasn't hers, and then neglect him? How could she have taken Elizabeth's little boy, taking him out of her life forever? Bitter hatred coursed through her, making her stomach knot and her hands clench.

She didn't want to hate anyone, but she hated Sam. Cameron was dead because of her, and she didn't know that she had enough forgiveness inside her to absolve that sin. When they sat, Jason pulled his hand from hers only to wrap it around her shoulders and pull her into him. She knew everyone would know she was crying, but as her tears fell onto his chest she knew she couldn't have stopped them. So she didn't even try.

Jason unlocked the door and stepped back to let Elizabeth go inside. He turned to Paul and thanked the guard for his help today and then told him he could go for the night. Jason knew that Elizabeth wouldn't want to go anywhere, and Paul and Marco could use some rest before coming back tomorrow to take them back to the courthouse. The guard nodded, then paused, causing Jason to stop as well.

"Mr. Morgan," he said hesitantly when Jason peered at him questioningly. "Is Mss Webber alright? Is...is there anything that we can do?"

"Thank you," he said, even as he shook his head sadly. "I think...I'll see what I can do."

Then he stepped inside and closed the door, locking it before he took off his jacket and hung it up. He heard Elizabeth moving around behind the screen, and he rubbed the bridge of his nose as he walked to the couch. He wondered if she would say anything, or if she would even come out. She had been very quiet as they left the courthouse, and he understood it but he was also worried. Normally he would respect her right to deal with things her own way, but this time he wasn't sure he should let her keep it all bottled up inside.

The first day of trial went much like anyone would have expected. The two sides made their opening statements, ADA Cole laying out her case much less dramatically than Robert Hartwell, Sam's lawyer. Then there had been a brief recess. After that, the first witnesses were called. It wasn't Elizabeth, as people might have expected, but the workers at the hospital daycare. Jennifer Cole said she was going to save Elizabeth's testimony for last so it was the last impression the jury had before the defense started. Jason understood, and he knew Elizabeth did as well, but he also knew it was going to be hard, faced with testifying last after all the other people.

It had been a weird experience for Jason to sit in court and know that the prosecution was going to call him to testify, and to know that he wanted to help them. He wanted Sam to be convicted because he wanted it for Elizabeth. He also realized that he wanted it for himself. Maybe it was wrong to feel that way, but he did. Even though he had grown attached to Sam and her baby while she was staying with him and would have helped to raise her daughter, it had all changed for him the night he walked into the safe house and found her there with Elizabeth's son.

He had decided to help Sam for Sonny, but most of all for Michael and Morgan so their worlds weren't torn apart. He wanted Sonny to be able to be with the boys and Carly, but also to have peace of mind knowing Sam was nearby and she and the baby would be taken care of by someone who wouldn't try to keep him away from his own child. For a while Jason had let himself be persuaded to believe that he could be happy with the situation, that he would be content raising Sonny's baby. He thought he might even in time develop feelings for Sam and they could be a true family. After Adella died he knew he couldn't just turn her out, and he tried to help her, but he only felt sorry for her because he knew it hurt to lose a child and because the child had been Sonny's. He hadn't felt anything romantic for her.

Yet, he'd known she was developing feelings for him beyond friendship, and he'd done nothing to curb them. And so she kidnapped a baby on the deluded belief that it would bind her to him as a family. Worst of all, she showed no remorse. He didn't care for her as a friend to help and forgive her like he'd done for Carly. No, he wanted her to pay for her crime, because she'd hurt Elizabeth and caused a little boy to suffer and die. And when she hadn't changed her plea like Sonny had hoped, and her lawyer began to insinuate things regarding her relationship with Sonny and even him, he knew Sam was going to come after them during the trial.

He wasn't going to let her do it, even if Sonny didn't do anything to prevent it. He would make sure Judge Duarte sent her away, and did not give her any breaks. That was already in place, so he didn't worry much about it. Who he worried about was Elizabeth, and he vowed he would do everything he could to help her get through this trial. He also knew that he would stand by her long after the trial was over, even if he wasn't ready to name all the feelings and reasons why just yet.

Chapter 30

Friday, January 21, 2005

By the time Friday came, Jason's worry about Elizabeth's mental well-being had increased enormously. Her quiet and withdrawn demeanor from Monday had increased to the point that she rarely spoke, even to him. When she did speak, it was with one word, usually monosyllabic, answers to questions that she simply couldn't put off answering. Her eyes were dull and listless, she was hardly eating, and she didn't sleep very much. He often woke to find her sitting on the window seat in the dark of the early morning, absently staring out the window.

He tried not to force the issue with her, but she wouldn't even respond to his gentle entreaties. He knew the testimony, the recitation of Cameron's disappearance, and then the illness were hard on her. She was forced to relive events she would never forget, but had hoped not to have to face again this soon. Forced to listen to Lucky, Jason and his guard, Stephen and others talk about searching for her son, the condition of the safe house and Cameron's medical condition and the struggle he had gone through had weighed heavily on Elizabeth.

Every day she sat in the courtroom right behind Jennifer Cole and stared straight ahead. She didn't bother much with makeup in the mornings because she simply cried it off in court. She clutched Jason's hand tightly, but she never looked at Sam. Jason didn't look at Sam much either; the anger that coursed through him when he saw her showed on his face and he knew that having a mobster glare at the defendant would not go over well with the jury.

Jason surreptitiously watched the jury, and he could tell there were members that were already making up their minds about Sam. They'd listen to the witness on the stand, glance over at Elizabeth, and then turn a withering glare on Sam. When the conditions of the safe house were described, and then later how those conditions and Sam's neglect led to Cameron's illness and eventual death, several jurors' faces hardened and Jason could tell they were deciding against her. Especially the mothers that Jennifer had tried to pack on the jury. Myers was researching all the jurors, but concentrating on the ones most likely to vote against Sam; Jason wanted to have all information available in case he needed to sway the jury to Elizabeth's side.

But those plans were going to have to wait. He was determined to help Elizabeth, or do everything he could try. To that end, Jason had made a few plans. Now he had to broach them with Elizabeth, and he needed to do so before they arrived at her building.

"Are you hungry?" he asked softly as the Yukon turned towards the docks.

She shook her head just a fraction. The only indication he had that she'd heard him and wasn't asleep.

"Are you tired?" he asked next.

A shrug, barely a lifting of her shoulders was his only answer. She was exhibiting many of the signs of depression, eating little, sleeping lots, withdrawing from everything around her. Yet for all her sleep, she had dark smudges under her eyes which accompanied her weight loss, all adding to his worry. Every day when they came home, she would change of out of her tailored clothes, which were looking looser all the time, and into sweats. Then she would curl up on the couch and drift in and out of sleep all evening, barely touching the food he tried to get her to eat, until she dragged herself off to bed. But every morning he woke up before it was light to find her sitting by the window once more claiming she couldn't sleep any longer.

"Would you like to go for a ride?" Jason asked. He expected her to fight all his questions, but this was his ultimate goal and he'd fight back.

Elizabeth didn't respond right away, but then she shook her head just a fraction and whispered, "No."

She spoke, which meant she was interested yet resisting. "Alright," he sighed. "I just thought you might enjoy it. It's clear tonight and not too cold. We could just ride around for a bit, get out of the studio for a while."

Her bottom lip was pulled in between her teeth and slowly turned red as she nibbled on it. She was beginning to waver. He needed to appeal to her interest right now, he wouldn't tell her of his concern until after they'd actually ridden.

"It might be nice to just take a break for a bit, not have to think about things. I'd..." he pulled out his ace. "I'll even let you steer."

Now her eyes opened and a ghost of a smile danced over her face. "Dirty pool, Morgan."

"So you're saying you don't want to go?"

With a sigh, Elizabeth's faint smile increased just a fraction. "No. I'd...I'd like to go."

Jason let his own smile grow, as relief filled him. He was glad he'd managed to get Elizabeth away from the studio for at least one night.

Sonny carefully wiped the corners of his mouth with the maroon linen napkin, then placed it beside his plate. Looking up at the manager of the Port Charles Country Club, he smiled. He'd just renegotiated the contract for Corinthos-Morgan Coffee to supply the country club with coffee for the next two years, which would put a tidy bit of profit into his pocket. And he'd had a delicious meal prepared for him by the club's new chef. This new one knew what he was doing with French Cuisine and was certainly worth all the money the place had spent to tempt him to upstate New York. The night had been a success already, and Sonny had even gotten to his real purpose of the evening.

That was currently sitting across the dining room having dinner with his wife. Judge Duarte was having his normal Friday night dinner date. Sonny loved people who had predictable schedules; it made contacting them so much easier. Duarte was the real reason Sonny had come to the country club tonight, the coffee contract was just his excuse.

He knew the judge was watching him; he had to be. Ever since Sonny had the note delivered requesting a meeting with Duarte tonight, he imagined the man was conscious of everything around him. When Sonny heard Sam's case was going to be heard by Duarte he didn't believe it was a coincidence. Not when they had used the judge before. Sonny knew Jason had arranged it, and that worked for him.

Sonny signaled for the check and after he signed the bill he stood and turned for the door. He never looked at the judge, but he knew that Duarte was aware of him. That's how this situation worked; they never acknowledged each other so as not to draw any suspicions. When he reached the foyer, Sonny nodded at Max and then turned for the bathroom. The room was empty, aside from an attendant, and by tipping the man a hundred dollars Sonny ensured he'd leave and stay gone until Max let him know he could return to his post.

He didn't have to wait very long until the middle-aged judge with a wife accustomed to living lavishly entered the bathroom and shut the door. Sonny knew Max would keep anyone from entering, so he turned to the judge and smiled welcomingly. "Thank you for coming, Judge Duarte."

The judge looked nervous as he swallowed. "I was surprised to hear from you."

"Yeah," Sonny nodded. "I imagine. Especially since you've already been contacted by Jason Morgan."

Duarte nodded confirmation, and Sonny could read the unease and even a bit of fear in the man's eyes. He wondered what Jason had said to the judge and what the man expected Sonny to instruct him to do. Taking a breath and slipping his hands into the Armani pants' pockets, he said, "I'm glad that he's already got you on this case. I imagine he wants you to fix the case against Sam McCall."

There was a brief moment of hesitation and then he said, "Yes."

"Good," Sonny smiled and he saw the judge blink in surprise. "I'm glad that he was thinking ahead. I want you to follow his instructions."

"Mr. Corinthos?"

"I want Ms. McCall put away for as long as you can possibly sentence her. I wanted her to plead to insanity, but she didn't. And now she's threatening to get up on the stand and say I helped her in the kidnapping. I warned her not to, but tonight she said she would unless I got her off from the charges."

The judge nodded, but stayed quiet, allowing Sonny to continue. "She may even try to implicate Jason, but I don't know. Regardless, I don't want her to be able to spread these lies. She had her chance, but she threw it away. Now she pays."

Sonny clenched his hands into fists, remembering Sam's countenance as she once again threatened him tonight. She seemed to sense the trial was going against her, and so she wanted him to fix it and get her freedom secured. When he refused, she yelled at him, telling him he owed it to her. She was the mother of his child, it wasn't fair that their child died and Alexis' lived. And so he owed it to her, and she wasn't happy when he told her he wasn't going to give in to her demands. And he had finally seen what people had been trying to tell him; Sam had planned this, it wasn't just a random child snatch.

"So whatever Jason instructed you to do, do it," he commanded. "And if you can keep her and her lawyer from trying to implicate me, you'll get a bonus. I am not going to let her drag me down into her mess. She's lucky I'm letting her keep her lawyer, and the only reason I'm doing that is so the trial doesn't get delayed."

Elizabeth wished she could live in the night's wind. There was no trial, no curious gawkers, no pain, no loss, no all-encompassing hole in her life. But she knew, even if it wasn't winter, that it wasn't possible. She couldn't run away from the reality of her life, but it was nice to escape from it for a little while.

Jason had driven them around for hours, to some places she had never seen before on their previous rides, and places that were familiar to her soul. Her hands were frozen, even through her gloves, and she was sure her nose and cheeks were red and chapped. She loved the feel of the cold and the wind, but she knew Jason must be getting tired. She knew she couldn't be selfish. She had once told Jason she couldn't live on the back of his bike, and it was still true now. She didn't hurt right now, but she couldn't, and wouldn't, make Jason her escape.

Not wanting to startle him, she waited until they were on a straight section of the road, then she tapped his shoulder. He looked back over his shoulder at her, and then slowed his bike while pulling onto the side of the road. He shifted slightly so he could see her more fully, concern furrowing his brow as he asked, "Are you okay?"

Elizabeth nodded slightly and then said, "We can go back. I know we've been riding for a while. You're probably tired."

"Are you hungry?"

She shrugged. She knew she should feel hungry; she'd hardly eaten anything all day. She'd had little appetite at the beginning of the week and it had decreased each day as the trial went on.

Jason frowned at her response, but he never nagged her or tried to cajole her into eating. He didn't do so now, instead he just said, "I know some place we could go. Or would you rather go back to your studio?"

He rarely pressed her for things, always offered her choices and let her make decisions. He never complained, even when she could sense his disappointment in her choices. She figured he was probably hungry, and he might want to eat something besides frozen or reheated meals in her apartment. So, for him, she would agree to go. "No, we can go...wherever you want."

Nodding, Jason started the bike again, and pulled back onto the road. They didn't turn towards Port Charles, but away from it. In a way, she was glad for that because she wasn't anxious to go back to her studio and sit there thinking about the trial. She trusted that wherever Jason took her would be someplace that wouldn't overwhelm her emotionally. She wouldn't be bombarded with stares and whispers, she wouldn't be known as the woman whose baby was killed by Sonny Corinthos' ex-mistress, she could just sit there being Elizabeth, the friend of Jason.

It was a little surprising when they didn't go to a town as she supposed, but instead turned off the road onto a rough dirt trail that eventually led to a cabin. Jason stopped the bike and slowly climbed off, his shoulders becoming stiff and tense. Pulling off her helmet, she looked up at him curiously, wondering what caused his withdrawal. "Jason?"

He sighed, then took a deep breath. "This isn't one of our safe houses, but it's a place that I bought."

When she said nothing, regarding him in confusion, he continued. "I wanted you to have a place you could relax with no pressures, no press, no people watching you and no memories."

"You...you bought this for me?" she stammered, sure she hadn't understood that correctly.

"I just want to help you, Elizabeth," he told her. "I know you didn't ask me to do this-"

"I'm not mad, Jason," she said softly and he relaxed at her statement. "Just...surprised. Stunned."

His face turned serious after momentarily softening. "I know that this trial has been hard on you and I...I've watched you withdraw, hardly eat, hardly sleep. I just want you to have a place where you can relax, take care of yourself without worrying about Port Charles. Even if it's only for a little bit."

He took a deep breath and then cautiously took her hand in his. "Let me help you, Elizabeth. Let me take care of you."

Blinking, she tried to stem the tears threatening to fall, but she couldn't keep them back. The pure tenderness and concern in his voice, mixed with earnestness and worry undid her. The shell she'd been trying to build all week as she listened to testimony and relived each raw emotion shattered and fell. She was so tired, so weary, so overwhelmed, and she finally let go. It wasn't wrong to need help; true strength was realizing when something was beyond you. She'd been trying, but she knew she couldn't do this all by herself.

Nodding her head in quiet acquiescence, she let Jason help her by leading her into the cabin.

Chapter 31

Thursday, January 27, 2005

When the prosecution rested its case shortly before noon, Steven was thrilled when the judge declared a recess for the rest of the week and said the defense would begin their side beginning on Monday. Elizabeth had been the last witness ADA Cole called, and she'd been on the stand over the course of two days. Yesterday when she began her testimony she looked tired and drawn; today Steven half-expected her to pass out on her way up to the witness stand. The dark circles that had been noticeable the day before despite her make-up, now made Elizabeth look like she had two black eyes.

He knew she'd gone some place last weekend, he'd called and even stopped by to check on her, but nobody answered and the guard was absent from the hallway. He suspected that Jason had taken her somewhere, and it wasn't to the penthouse that Sam had lived in for a time. Steven, in his desire to check on his sister had even checked there despite its closeness to Sonny Corinthos' place. Elizabeth had looked rested, calmer than she had on Friday when she left the courthouse, when she arrived Monday morning and he was glad for it. Whatever Jason did, Steven hoped he repeated it again this weekend because Elizabeth desperately needed it.

Testifying against the woman who had taken her son had been grueling on his sister. The prosecution had gently led her through their questions, making the whole process more of a narration rather than a series of questions and answers. Elizabeth had tried to be strong, to detach herself from her emotions enough to tell what had happened to Cameron and what she'd gone through, but she'd been crying early during the testimony and had never stopped. Not even when the defense had gone on the attack. Robert Hartwell had followed the creed of defense attorneys everywhere; when you don't have a case, smear the victim's name.

Judge Duarte had tried to protect Elizabeth, stop Hartwell's tactics before they went too far, but the damage was still done. It was just one more reason Steven hated Sam McCall. She tried to blame Jason, Sonny, and worse of all, Elizabeth for what she'd done. It was somehow Elizabeth's fault she was a single mother and the friend of men like Jason and Sonny. That was supposed to deflect the responsibility of Sam's actions.

Elizabeth had flinched with each cruel barb and accusation and paled visibly. Even though the judge sustained the prosecution's objections, the damage was done. His sister had been flayed and left to bleed emotionally. She didn't even have the strength to leave the witness stand when ADA Cole stood and rested her case and the judge declared the recess. When the elderly man left the courtroom Jason had shot out of his seat, an action Steven was surprised he hadn't done earlier given how tense and rigid he'd been during Elizabeth's testimony.

Jason brushed right past the defense's table, not even sparing the briefest glance towards Sam. He was solely focused on Elizabeth, and when he reached her he helped her stand, cradling her to his side. As she leaned on him for support, Jason's whole demeanor softened. He tenderly brushed her hair off her shoulders and leaned towards her to speak in tones no one else could hear. He was focused only on her, almost to the exclusion of everything and everyone else.

"...can we go?"

Steven didn't hear all of his sister's question; her voice was soft and weak, much like she looked. Jason turned to face her and nodded while he clasped her hands in his. "We can leave whenever you want."

He didn't want to interrupt when his sister was looking calmer, but Steven wanted to check on her before they all left the courtroom. "Elizabeth?"

She turned to look at him and he was struck by the sheer exhaustion and raw pain painted on her face. He wanted to ask her to lunch, to try to talk to her, to make sure she was eating, but he held back. He could just sense that she would decline, and he didn't want to pressure her or make her feel bad for saying no. His sister felt more comfortable with Jason and while Steven knew that she loved her family, she shied away from being around them for long stretches. It stung sometimes, but he knew that Elizabeth was dealing with this whole situation the best way she could and wasn't deliberately trying to hurt them. While the law enforcement lab tech didn't like her dependence on Jason, the big brother in him wasn't about to do anything to anger or hurt his sister any more than she was already and would respect her choices.

Instead of making them all uncomfortable, he reached out and gently hugged her while saying, "If you need anything, you can always call me or Gram. Even if you just want to talk."

He went to release her, but instead she clung to him convulsively and he felt her shake with a sob. Saying nothing, Steven just swept his hand over her back soothingly, trying to comfort her as best he could. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jason watching his sister in concern, but staying back to let brother and sister have time together. All too soon for Steven, Elizabeth released her hold and stepped back from his embrace which he relaxed against his will. She swiped at her cheek, then looked up at him through moist lashes.

"Thank you, Steven," she whispered, then said no more.

Knowing that his sister wanted to leave, and Morgan rarely spoke during these encounters, he turned to Jason, "Take care of her, okay?"

Then he kissed Elizabeth's cheek and said, "I'll catch you later, Lizbee."

She gave him a tremulous smile and nodded as he turned and headed out of the courtroom.

Elizabeth watched her brother leave the courtroom which had nearly emptied and sighed with exhaustion. She didn't want to talk to anyone else, so she turned and sat down in the chair she had occupied for the last week-and-a-half. She hoped that by turning her back on the rest of the room it would prevent anyone else from trying to talk to her. And hopefully anyone not put off by her action would be deterred by Jason's stony countenance.

She knew that Jason and his guards could strongarm their way out of the courtroom, pushing their way past curious gawkers and nosey reporters. Yet she didn't want to. She wanted to recover from her testimony, from the audacity of Sam's lawyer to somehow suggest that Elizabeth had invited this attack on Cameron; if not from Sam than from someone wanting to use her son as a means of revenge because of the people she knew. She wasn't up to facing the people she knew would be encamped outside the courthouse waiting to pounce on her.

When they finally did get out of there, Elizabeth wanted to escape to the cabin. She didn't want to always use it as an escape, to hide herself there, but tonight at least she needed the peaceful quiet it afforded. In her studio she could hear the sounds of the dock, at her grandmother's house cars and barking dogs punctuated the air, but at the cabin she truly got the quiet she craved. The wind through the trees and the occasional owl didn't disturb her, they helped to calm her.

Suddenly Jason tensed beside her. She could sense it without even seeing him and her stomach twisted as she wondered who was approaching that Jason disliked.

"Elizabeth?"

She took a deep breath as her eyes opened. Suddenly jerking her head up must have caused her breath to catch in her throat because she couldn't breathe as she stared at the man in front of her. He hadn't approached her since Cameron's funeral, and she couldn't believe he'd approach her now. From the look on Jason's face and the way his hands clenched she could see he didn't quite believe it either.

"What do you want?" Jason growled.

"I came to talk to you," Sonny said, looking at Elizabeth.

"Why?" Jason demanded, stepping slightly closer to her, ready to leverage himself between her and Sonny.

"I came to apologize," he said and Elizabeth blinked not only at the words but at the softness of his tone. "I'm sorry for what Sam did to you. You helped her after Adella's death, something you didn't have to do. You didn't look down on her because of her situation, you treated her with compassion. You didn't deserve what happened."

"No, I didn't," she agreed quietly, yet forcefully. "Nobody deserves something like that."

"You're right," he said, looking down as he ran his thumb and finger over the corners of his mouth. "I'm sorry for my behavior to you after Sam was arrested. I came to your son's funeral, not thinking how it would make you feel with me paying for her lawyer."

"You're still paying for him," she pointed out, her voice a little bitter, especially after Mr. Hartwell's insinuations.

"Only because if I don't, he would quit. While I don't care about Sam losing her lawyer, I know that it would delay the trial," Sonny explained gently. "I don't want to drag out your pain by forcing a delay. But now I'm sorry for what he's doing by attacking you."

Elizabeth didn't think she had ever heard Sonny say the words 'I'm sorry' so many times, and she was surprised to hear him say them to her. She didn't know what to say in response to him, so she looked away, uncomfortable under Sonny's gaze. He'd apologized, but she wasn't really sure how she felt about it. It wasn't that he'd directly hurt her, except with his indifference and thoughtlessness. She didn't know what to make of the whole situation.

"Well," Sonny said, shifting slightly on his feet when she said nothing more and Jason only continued to stare at him. "I just wanted to...you know, tell you I'm sorry."

She nodded, but still didn't know what to say to him. Did she really even need to say anything? Did she have to give him redemption just because he finally talked to her? She didn't feel that generous right now. Sonny eventually realized that she didn't plan on saying anything, so with one last nod he turned and walked off.

Letting out a sigh as Jason finally relaxed beside her, she stood and looked at him. "Can we go?"

He nodded immediately as he took her hand and turned them for the door. "Yeah, we can go."

Jason stepped out onto the porch and paused as he observed Elizabeth. After they fought their way out of the courthouse, pushing past reporters trying to exploit her grief and pain for their ratings, she barely spoke. All the way to her studio, inside where they quickly packed, and then back to the car where Jason drove after dismissing the guards, she was silent. Finally, halfway to the cabin's turnoff her voice carried across the front seat in a soft, heartfelt, "Thank you."

He didn't expect her to be bubbly, or even to ramble nervously, but it continued to unnerve him when she remained so silent. She had wanted to sit out on the porch for a little after they arrived, and he forced himself to not fuss about the cold to her. She knew it was cold, she was dressed warmly, and he knew she just needed the solitude. After being watched day after day after court, he could appreciate her desire to decompress outside of the fishbowl she lived in.

"Elizabeth?"

She turned to look at him with a languid, "Hmm?"

"I heated up something to eat if you want to come in."

"Thanks," she said, a small smile briefly illuminating her face.

He waited for her to reach him, then turned and opened the door for her. Once they were inside she took off her coat and gloves and he went to the kitchen to retrieve their dinner. She was waiting at the table for him, her eyes looking less haunted, her entire body showing a sense of peace. Just like last weekend, she immediately began to eat. Her virtually non-existent appetite increased, she actually ate instead of merely pushing food around on her plate.

He didn't know how long they'd stay this weekend; he would simply do his best to help her recover from the week and prepare herself for the one ahead. Jason knew that they couldn't escape here all the time; Elizabeth would have to deal with life after the trial. He knew she would find the strength she needed, even if she doubted that at the moment. For the time being, he would continue to bring her to the cabin as a place where she could leave the stress from town behind.

They would simply take it one day at a time and deal with the future as it came.

Chapter 32

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

Of all the unmitigated nerve. As Elizabeth sat in the courtroom looking at Robert Hartwell, she began to fairly seethe inside. It wasn't just the arrogant and unfeeling lawyer that raised her ire; it was the woman he was defending. Sam sat stoically in the courtroom in the courtroom day after day as Hartwell called the few witnesses on his list. He made an attempt to say Sam had been elsewhere when Cameron was taken, but Elizabeth didn't think that anybody, especially the jury, believed it.

Hartwell was trying to insinuate that Sam had just happened upon Cameron on her way to the airport to leave for a visit to her brother and then had stayed to take care of the little boy. The defense attorney attempted to infer that someone else had taken Cameron, and that it was because of Elizabeth he had been taken in the first place. The one thing the lawyer didn't do was say that Sam was crazy; that the woman hadn't known what she was doing. Actually, Elizabeth herself didn't believe that Sam wasn't in her right mind - when she walked into the hospital daycare and took him - she had known exactly what she was doing. But it would make her case more difficult if Hartwell said that, which was why they were going through this mockery of a defense.

Frankly, Elizabeth didn't care about Sam having a hard time defending herself. She wanted the other woman to pay. After being grilled on cross-examination and then listening to the insulting defense, whatever empathy or sympathy Elizabeth might have felt for the grieving mother evaporated. Her own grief and tears gave way to anger. It made her seethe inside that Sam had no remorse for what she'd done. She didn't care that she'd taken Cameron or that he'd died. She was only sorry she'd gotten caught.

But what really made Elizabeth angry was that Sam didn't even take the stand in her own defense. Jennifer had told them that morning that she didn't think Sam would testify; the way Hartwell was acting and watching the jury made her think that was his plan. It turned out the ADA was right. Robert Hartwell rested his case without putting Sam McCall on the witness stand, and oddly it made Elizabeth angry.

She had been put through the wringer during the trial. She had to relive every horrible moment of Cameron's abduction and illness, she had to endure Robert Hartwell's insulting cross-examination where she was treated like a criminal instead of the victim, and she'd done it even though it was hard. But Sam...quite frankly Elizabeth thought the other woman was a coward. She wasn't going to answer questions, she wasn't going to face ADA Cole, she was just going to hide. Yes, Sam didn't have to testify, but Elizabeth wanted to hear from her. Hear her try to explain why she'd taken Cameron and then neglected him, she wanted to hear Sam have to face harsh questions on cross, and because Sam had sat there securely behind the defense table Elizabeth felt cheated.

The judge called a recess for the day declaring that closing arguments would begin the following morning. The jury filed out and the judge left, and for the first time since the trial began, Elizabeth turned to watch the guards lead Sam out of the courtroom. Jason looked down at her when she didn't sit down after the judge was gone and then he followed her steely gaze. He settled his hand on the small of her back, imparting strength to her as she finally faced the woman who had taken her son from her. Sam paused for just a minute as the guards were escorting her out of the room, her eyes darting away after showing her surprise when she met Elizabeth's cold, unflinching gaze.

Elizabeth wanted Sam to feel uncomfortable. She wasn't going to let the murderess think that Elizabeth wouldn't confront her or condemn her. She wanted Sam to know that she blamed her for what happened to Cameron, and even hated her for it. Maybe if Sam had expressed regret or been repentant she would feel different. Elizabeth had had so many people apologize to her for what happened to her son, except the one person who really was responsible for the situation. She was tired of making excuses for an inexcusable action.

Sam looked back at Elizabeth and her eyes danced between her and Jason, and then she dropped her head and shoulders and let the guard lead her from the courtroom. Her steps slower, her gait a little less confident and sure. Elizabeth watched her until she was gone and then felt the tremors begin. Jason's hand slipped from her back to wrap around her waist as he pulled her to his side. She was grateful for the strength because her legs felt week and unable to hold her any more.

"Here," he said softly, "sit down."

She obeyed, dropping gracelessly into the chair behind her and took a deep, desperate breath. "I'm okay."

He didn't agree or disagree; he just held her hand, his eyes searching hers. Elizabeth looked away, breaking the connection and said softly, but fervently, "Today...I wanted to look at her. I needed to. She...she hurt me, took away the most precious thing, her lawyer treats me like I'm to blame for Cameron's death and she...Sam didn't even take the stand. Never spoke or even looked at me."

"I know," he said, his voice low and only for her to hear.

Elizabeth leaned forward, nearly touching him as she blocked out everyone else in the courtroom and said in a ragged whisper, "Today I felt anger...today...I almost hate her. She...she's not even sorry, is she?"

"Elizabeth," Jason said, his voice deep and betraying a slight tremor of grief, "it doesn't...it doesn't do any good to think about that...to hurt yourself like that."

"Probably not," she agreed. "But I want to know. I've been so...I've been hurt, and I've been sad, and I've felt mad before. But today...today I wanted to yell at her, I wanted to just scream at her for everything she's done. I wanted to tear into her like her lawyer's done to me, I wanted to hurt her. I..."

She turned her head, her vision blurry, and saw her grandmother, Steven and Bobbie all standing together, pretending they were talking and not actually watching her and Jason. Turning back to her, her forehead nearly resting against his, his blue eyes unwavering from hers she pleaded with him, "You once asked me what I wanted…with this trial and Sam and I said I couldn't believe that she hadn't planned this and I wanted her to go to jail."

"I remember," he said slowly, a bit unsure of where she was heading.

"Today...today I hardly knew myself," she admitted. "This rage filled me, and it still does. I want...I want justice, but a part of me also wants revenge. And it just...it feels like it came out of nowhere and it just fills me and I...I want it so..."

She trailed off and curled her hands into tight fists, catching the sleeves of his suit in her grasp. "We need...I need to get out of here before I ask you to do something I can never take back."

Jason sighed and stretched out, shifting slightly to find a comfortable position. He curled his hand, feeling it tingle from a lack of blood, but not caring enough to want to move or change how he was situated. He also didn't want to wake Elizabeth now that she was finally asleep. So he drew her slightly closer to his side, brushing his hand over her shoulder and felt a measure of peace when she moved closer to him and curled her hand into his shirt.

Ever since the trial began he'd worried as he watched her retreat and sink further into the depression that shrouded her. He longed to see a flicker of life in her, to see her move with even a fraction of the natural energy and exuberance she possessed. It tore at him to see her move only when she had to, to watch her sit and stare at nothing and see her limp, lifeless eyes look right through him.

Tonight that had all changed. After Elizabeth's shift of behavior in the courtroom, her confession of hate and anger, she had been a ball of frenetic energy. Once they made it out of the courthouse and away from the people who were constantly watching them, she had opened her mouth and words poured forth like a dam spill. He hadn't heard her speak so much in a long time, but it wasn't the nervous excitement-filled babble of before. Elizabeth vented her anger, her frustration and her hurt with the trial. She railed and cursed against Sam and Jason understood her emotions.

He certainly didn't judge her for what she was feeling; he understood anger over a situation he couldn't fix or control. Jason knew that living in anger couldn't be done all the time and it wasn't healthy, but Elizabeth had never really expressed a lot of anger about what happened to Cameron. She'd been worried, depressed, filled with grief about his disappearance, illness and then death. It was almost like she'd been too numbed by her pain to fill anger. That had all changed today, and it was like a switch had been thrown and suddenly electricity was coursing through her.

Elizabeth had been a whirlwind after she returned to the studio. She didn't sit and drift in and out of sleep; she fairly flew around the studio on a cleaning frenzy. She washed, she scrubbed, she mopped, she did laundry and when she had finally run out of projects he thought she would stop. Actually, he half expected her to collapse from exhaustion; he was tired simply from watching her. Instead, she kept going. She eyed the corner seriously for a few moments, and then she approached the bag of art supplies that had sat untouched since he'd bought them at Christmas.

She set up the easel so that he couldn't see what she was working on, and he respected her privacy. If she needed to do this in her own way, then he would create the safe environment she wanted and needed. So Jason worked on ledgers and files from the warehouse that he had on hand to keep him occupied, but was nothing that was too important that he would feel bad if it was neglected. He'd made it clear to Sonny that Elizabeth was his most important focus right now, but he had to have something to do during the times that she didn't want to talk or when she slept. So he worked on something that would keep him occupied but didn't need too much thought while she painted.

While he didn't watch her because he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, Jason was acutely aware of everything Elizabeth did. Sometimes she painted so quickly he wondered how she did it, and other times she stared at the canvas, her face blank and unreadable, almost as if she'd forgotten what she was doing. He didn't know what she painted, how the pictures looked, or how she felt about them, but around two in the morning she took the fifth frame off the easel, set it down on the floor next to the others already facing the wall and announced she was going to take a shower. Without waiting for a response she turned and all but fled from the room.

He could immediately sense, and see, the shift in her. The anger and the need for constant motion had faded. She was hitting the wall and she was going to crash hard; he knew that he could no longer sit back and let her have her space, he needed to step in. Crossing the room and catching her before she made it out the door, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and was going to steer her to the couch but she resisted. She said she wanted to go to bed, but she was clinging to him and he knew she wanted him with her. He had rarely been behind the screen that shielded her bed from the rest of the room because he'd wanted her to feel like she had a private retreat, but she was inviting him with her.

She cried herself into an uneasy and fitful sleep and even now, an hour later, she still refused to let him go. He'd tried to get up, to move back out to the couch, but she would grow distressed, her brow furrowing and unintelligible pleas escaping her lips, and he would stop trying to leave so she could quiet and hopefully rest better.

Today Elizabeth had faced Sam, and her emotions and it had been draining for her. Those five minutes had been just as hard as the two and a half weeks of the trial, but he admired her for her strength and convictions. Jason was also convinced that the plans and instructions he had made for the judge and the trial were the right thing to do. It wasn't just his anger at Sam propelling his actions, it was his desire to give Elizabeth what she needed while at the same protecting her. She needed Sam to be punished so she could get some finality, some closure, on this part of her, but she was also spared from having to act against her conscience by asking for it.

Jason was used to breaking the law; he was used to getting his hands dirty. That wasn't Elizabeth, though. He knew she wasn't perfect, but he also knew, just by her one comment in the courtroom that it would weigh on her if she did ask for him to make arrangements in regards to Sam. He wanted to spare her that, especially right now. She needed to focus on herself and getting through Cameron's death right now. Some day he might tell her what he did, but somehow he suspected he never would. This was something that never needed to touch her.

Shifting once more to try to find a comfortable position to sleep, Jason reached to return the blanket to its position over Elizabeth and then smoothed his hand over her crown. Looking up at the ceiling he knew he needed to get some sleep so that he could help Elizabeth face tomorrow. All that remained of this ordeal was closing arguments and jury deliberations, and he knew that these days would be hard for her as she waited anxiously. She had hit a breaking point today and he didn't know what else she would face or how she would respond in the next few days. He was determined, though, to be there for her...no matter what came their way.

Chapter 33

Friday, February 4, 2005

Quick verdicts were always surprising, and a bit nerve-wracking, for everyone in a trial. As he sat in the courtroom and looked around at the people sitting, waiting just like him, Sonny realized that each side wasn't as confident as they were trying to portray. For the jury to come back just slightly more than 24 hours after getting the case, and even less time of actual deliberation, then they had to be certain of their decision. Sonny was curious, and a little nervous, about what the jury did decide.

ADA Cole had twisted in her seat so that she could lean over the wooden rail separating the lawyers from the gallery and talk to Elizabeth. The petite woman was a little pale, and she looked worried, but determined. Sonny had still been in the courtroom when Elizabeth had confronted Sam in her own way and he'd seen the change in the young woman. She stared Sam down, her loathing and disdain clear in her face until Sam broke the moment by looking away and leading the guards out of the room instead of the other way around. As odd as the sentiment might sound, Sonny was proud of Elizabeth. She had decided not to let Sam and this trial break her.

It made Sonny feel that he had made the right decision regarding Sam and Elizabeth. Sam would get what she deserved, and Elizabeth would hopefully get what she needed. Hopefully she would also be able to find the way to move on with her life. With the verdict, even without directly tampering with the jury Sonny felt certain it would be guilty, a bit of peace could now possibly come into Elizabeth's life.

A movement on the other side of the courtroom caught his attention and he shifted his gaze from Elizabeth over to Sam. She was nervous, he could tell it in the tension of her body and the minute, but frequent, shiftings in her seat. Hartwell reached out and placed his hand on her arm resting on the table and Sam stiffened, but finally stilled.

Sonny knew she was cracking, and he suspected it had been coming on for a while, but it came to a head yesterday. Having to face Elizabeth's stony, hardened gaze with Jason standing beside her had shaken her. It was all conjecture on Sonny's part, but considering Robert Hartwell called him twice last night begging on Sam's behalf for him to go see her told him she was feeling desperate. And since he refused to go, and told Hartwell to tell her would not visit her, she had to feel isolated. Sonny felt slightly bad for her, but also certain she had brought this on herself by her actions.

Sonny stood with the rest of the courtroom as the judge entered and then everyone waited with anticipation, their eyes trained on the door the jury would enter through. Sonny let his eyes drift back to Jason as he sat beside Elizabeth; he couldn't see the younger man but Sonny suspected his hand was holding hers. That he was imparting strength to her as he had throughout the trial. Ever since the day before Christmas when Elizabeth had moved out of Audrey Hardy's house and back into the building by the docks, and all through the trial, Jason had been adamant about not taking on assignments and being there for her as much as he could. Jason had flatly told him that Elizabeth needed him more right now and he wasn't going to change his stance no matter how much Sonny asked, or even ordered, him to.

Out of guilt for not considering Elizabeth, or her feelings, earlier and also for not respecting Jason, Sonny had relented. Max and Enzo took care of matters relating to business, even though Sonny kept Jason updated on matters. Jason handled the books and a few other things regarding the coffee warehouse, but he only took on things that could be done from Elizabeth's studio, or weren't time sensitive. In all the days leading up to, and during the trial, Jason had only been to the warehouse a handful of times. Sonny hadn't called him or asked him to come in because Jason had laid down the way it was going to be the one time the Puerto Rican had shown up at Elizabeth's. Fear of further angering Jason, and trying to show respect for both of them, had kept Sonny from pressing the situation.

He knew, however, that he was going to have to intrude on Jason and Elizabeth's life now. Now that the verdict had been reached, Sonny was going to have to get in touch with his enforcer. The families were not going to understand Jason's absence from the scene forever, and situations were arising that needed more than Max or Enzo's attention. Sonny needed Jason back and handling some business, even if it was on a limited basis. He just hoped that the younger man understood and accepted the situation, and the concessions Sonny was willingly going to offer, gracefully. He also hoped that Elizabeth didn't resent him, or his friend, when Jason occasionally had to leave to take care of matters.

A hush fell over the already subdued courtroom as the door opened and the seven men and five women filed into the jury box. Sam stilled further, Jason was looking solely at Elizabeth, his head tipped towards her as he spoke into her ear, but everyone else eyed the jury as they sat and the bailiff took the paper from the foreman's hand.

"...we find the defendant...guilty."

Samantha McCall was crying. She had been ever since the guilty verdict on the first charge was read, and now three charges later she was sobbing. Her lawyer, the vulture, was helping hold her up as she stood listening to her fate being sealed. Stephen couldn't find even an ounce of sympathy for her. To him, her tears were nothing more than self-pity over having to face the consequences of her actions. A jury of her peers had rejected her defense strategy and held her responsible for the kidnapping and death of his nephew.

Steven was pleased by that fact. He didn't know if Jason Morgan had helped the jury reach their decision, and he was rather surprised to realize he didn't care that much if the mobster actually had. While the purist and idealist in him wanted to believe that the twelve jurors had seen what he had, that Sam had no excuse for her actions, she had acted with deliberation and malice, he could never be certain of that fact with Jason Morgan involved. And he wasn't bothered by that as he would have been two months ago, or even a month ago. He'd seen the strain this trial, and Sam's defense, had taken on Elizabeth and he was glad for her sake that it was over and Sam was going to be punished.

Regardless of whether or not Jason was involved in the decision against Sam, Stephen realized that he wouldn't lose any sleep over it or ponder it when he walked out of the courtroom. What he was focused on was the devastation and disbelief evident in Sam's demeanor, and the relief clearly present in his sister's. Cameron's killer had been found guilty, and she would be punished. To the big brother who had watched his sister suffer, that was all that really mattered to him. He hoped that Elizabeth was no able to work on dealing with this tragedy and most of all, finding a way to move past it and live.

Somehow, he suspected that Jason Morgan, sitting with his arm wrapped supportively and protectively around Elizabeth's shoulders, would continue to be a vital part of his sister's life and recovery.

As the judge polled the jurors, per Robert Hartwell's request, Ric slipped out of the courtroom and down a side hall. A few reporters may have seen him, but he didn't want to stick around long enough for them to be certain, and he didn't want to stay to answer questions. This case was Jennifer Cole's, she had done the work and she deserved the recognition. He wasn't going to appear to be horning in on her spotlight; he would let her enjoy her well-deserved victory. Ric would be content in the knowledge that this victory against Sam McCall would reflect well on the D.A.'s office and leave it at that.

Sitting in the back of the courtroom, Ric had watched the participants in this case and both side's major players. The two that he'd watched the most, aside from his ex-wife, were Jason Morgan and Ric's own brother. Sonny sat in the gallery behind Sam, but halfway back in the room. He may have paid for Robert Hartwell to defend his ex-lover, but he was clearly distancing himself from her. Sonny didn't sit behind Sam and offer her whispered words of encouragement or touches of comfort. Ric knew from the jail records that Sonny had hardly visited her; certainly not the actions of a staunch supporter. It was a bit curious, but given her attacks on him, Ric suspected all was not well between his brother and the defendant.

Jason Morgan, on the other hand, was 100% in Elizabeth's camp. He appeared in court every day in a suit and firmly stayed by her side. He escorted her into and from the building, always touching her in some manner. As the verdict had been read he'd wrapped his arm around Ric's ex-wife's shoulders and pulled her into his chest as she began to cry. Jason seemed oblivious to everything around him, focused intently on Elizabeth and how she was coping with the trial. A part of Ric, despite knowing that he and Elizabeth were over and he was with Alexis, was jealous of Jason and Elizabeth's close interaction. Call it ridiculous residual feelings from their marriage, but it bothered him that Elizabeth let Jason be the one to comfort and support her, even letting the junior mobster live with her instead of staying with her family.

Yet, there was a part of Ric - the part that still cared for Elizabeth and hated that she'd lost her son and had gone through all this pain - that was glad she had someone with her to help her out. Even if it was Jason. And in a perverse way, it was good that Jason was so visibly by Elizabeth's side. People might have suspected Sonny of fixing the trial for Sam if she'd gotten off; others might have figured Jason would rig the trial for Elizabeth if Sonny had withdrawn his complete support. But having the two men be on opposite sides of the same trial could work for the D.A.'s office. When Sam's lawyer appealed the decision, as Ric suspected would happen because it was automatic these days, it would be harder to prove suspicions that the trial was fixed. Could the lackey override the mob boss? Given Sonny's recent behavior, Ric wasn't entirely ruling it out, but it would be hard to prove.

This might be the only time Ric, the District Attorney, was actually glad for Jason and Sonny's presence at a trial where they weren't the defendants. This victory would stand, and a kidnapper and murderer would go to prison. Yes, Ric could live with that quite easily.

Guilty. Sam had been found guilty. She hated Jason for abandoning her when she had done all of this for him, for the two of them. They could have the baby they'd wanted to raise, go to Hawaii to be near her brother, and they would all be a family, the way it should have been. She hated Sonny for turning his back on her and refusing to help her. He wouldn't get her out of the country, he wouldn't fix the trial, he had left her to the whims and mercies of the legal system. And most likely the mercy of Jason as well. Sam was certain that Jason had bribed the jury and made them find her guilty.

She hadn't meant for Cameron to die; all she'd wanted was a family to replace the one she'd lost. Alexis had caused her daughter to die, and she hadn't been charged with a crime. So why had Sam been charged? Why was she being held to a different standard? Why had Elizabeth earned Jason's support when she hadn't? Hadn't Jason been showing signs of feeling for her what she'd been feeling for him? So why had he turned his back on her, letting the police arrest her and not helping her?

Sam couldn't believe when he had only come to see her once and told her he wasn't in love with her. Even worse was the day that Sonny came to the jail and tried to convince her he would help her, only if she pleaded guilty by insanity. Insanity. She wasn't crazy, and she wouldn't say she was simply to try to get a lighter sentence. Why should she plead guilty, admitting that she was at fault when she was certain the jury would clear her? There had been no doubt in her mind that the jury would acquit her; that they would agree with Robert Hartwell and see that she wasn't to blame.

But that hadn't happened. She began to have doubts two days ago when Elizabeth, for the first time, look at her as she was being led from the courtroom. Elizabeth's emotions and feelings for Sam had been clear. Jason's support and agreement with her had been equally clear as he'd stood tall, stiff and stoic beside Elizabeth. He hadn't looked at Sam, he'd looked through her, like he'd done to Alexis after Adella had died. That had frightened her. Frightened her bad enough to ask her lawyer to have Sonny come to the jail. He never came. And that was when she knew, knew he wouldn't help her, and she wasn't going to be found innocent.

She wanted to plead with him, make a deal with him. She would change her plea, plead guilty by insanity, but only if he promised to help her. He would make sure she was sentenced to a low security facility, promise her safety and her early release, and agree to all her demands. He never came and she refused to change her plea without his assurances because she wasn't going to get stuck in some horrible mental facility. She would take her chances with the jury because she really didn't believe that they would find her guilty.

Sam had been wrong. It was Sonny and Jason's fault. They should have helped her; they'd owed it to her and they'd let her down. She would end up going to jail, and she would never forgive them. Somehow, some way, she would make them pay for what they'd done.

Chapter 34

Saturday, February 5, 2005

Elizabeth awoke, groggy and disoriented, simply lying in bed because she couldn't make her mind function right. For a moment it reminded her of waking up after Stephen would sedate her, that fuzzy and lethargic veil that would envelope her, but she knew that wasn't the case today. She hadn't been sedated by her brother for several months; she hadn't had a need and he hadn't been with her to be able to do it even if she had. No, this feeling wasn't the residual effects of drugs; just the effects of exhaustion. Her body had succumbed to her overwhelming demand for sleep and this was merely the result.

She rolled to her side and was surprised to see the clock read after 11. She had no idea she'd slept that long, and knew that exhaustion, combined with the tranquility of the cabin, had helped her rest. Even on a Saturday the docks would have been alive with workers and machines unloading and moving freight and she wouldn't have been able to sleep this late. Jason had proved to be right in getting a place for her to retreat to out of town. It wasn't just a safe distance from the trial and the prying eyes of town, it brought peace and quiet.

Of course, Elizabeth no longer really needed an escape from the trial. The case of the People versus Samantha McCall was over. Sam had been found guilty of the crimes she'd been accused of and there was no doubt in the eyes of the justice system that she was to blame for everything she'd been charged with.

As she lay in her bed, her down comforter keeping her wrapped in a warm cocoon, Elizabeth tried to process how she really felt regarding the outcome. A jury of her peers, the standard of the legal system, had found Sam guilty of kidnapping, child endangerment and negligent homicide. Elizabeth was sure that through last night's evening news and in today's morning paper everyone in town would be informed that Sam was responsible for Cameron's death. Elizabeth had always believed that, but now it had been validated by the jury. And that validation was what was most on Elizabeth's mind this morning.

Was anything really different this morning simply because Sam had been found guilty? Cameron was still dead, and he wouldn't be coming back. That wouldn't change just because in the eyes of the world a woman had been found guilty of homicide. The only thing really different was Elizabeth's belief had been validated and she wouldn't be seen as a mother cheated out of justice, or a bitter person who refused to give up a quest for vengeance. Just because Lady Justice agreed with her, did it suddenly change her life? Elizabeth realized with a slight downturn at the corners of her mouth that it didn't.

Her life wasn't suddenly brighter or magically fixed just because Sam had been found guilty. While she couldn't deny that it did help a small bit that Sam hadn't evaded justice or guilt, in the end it didn't really make that significant of a difference. All that had been answered was a selfish quest to see that Sam paid for what she'd done to Cameron and for all the pain Elizabeth had gone through. She really didn't want to be petty or bitter. It was a sad and pathetic way to live, and it wouldn't be that different from the way Sam had lived after Adella's death. Elizabeth wanted to be different, better, than that.

So much of her recent life, and especially her energy, had been focused on the immediate, on purely surviving the most pressing matter. First it was trying to cope with Cameron's disappearance and wondering if she'd ever see him or how she'd survive if she never did. Once he was found her sole focus shifted to his health, the deterioration of it and then the decision of having to remove him from life support. Afterwards it was the intense pain and grief of his death, moving out of her grandmother's and then the trial. She'd always had something she needed to deal with, something to focus on and get through and she never really thought about the long term future. Looking beyond tomorrow or a week ahead...she simply hadn't done it.

Now...now she needed to think about it. Aside from Sam's sentencing that would be coming up in a few weeks she had nothing that she had to find a way to survive and get through. The future now seemed to loom before her. What was she going to do after this? She had become a nurse because she had a son to take care of and she needed something steadier that paid more than waitressing or painting. It had been a bit sad to give up her love of painting, but she'd taken the pragmatic approach. In time she hadn't viewed nursing as such a bad thing, but she didn't think she could ever go back to it. In her heart she would always associate the hospital with Cameron's abduction and death; she knew she couldn't work there anymore. She wouldn't be caring and helpful to her patients, and there was no sense in being a nurse if she couldn't be either.

Without Cameron and nursing, she didn't know what to do or be. Her son had never made it to his first birthday but he had profoundly changed her life. Without nursing, what did she do with herself? She couldn't imagine going to being a waitress or trying to sell her paintings, to act like she been had before Cameron had been born. That would be like pretending he hadn't existed. Elizabeth could never dishonor the memory of her son and all that he had meant to her and done for her.

Major decisions couldn't, and shouldn't, be made in a day, but she knew she had to start thinking about it. There were things she knew she could do, it was just a matter of finding a fit. She did know she couldn't leave Port Charles, not at this time, not so soon after Cameron's death. She couldn't leave her little boy behind. She just had to figure out what she could live with.

Living arrangements, Elizabeth thought as she rolled onto her side and burrowed further into the soft warmth of the bed, might be easier to figure out as opposed to a career. As much as she loved her grandmother, Elizabeth knew she couldn't move back in with her. Her gram had been her rock and safety net through so many things in her young life, that was the main reason she and Cameron had moved in with the older woman when they returned from Napa. Maybe one day Elizabeth would be to go to her grandmother's house and not be overwhelmed by the smell and memories of her son. But right now she couldn't do it. It was why she had moved out...she couldn't move back in just because the trial had ended. That hadn't removed the ache and pain inside her.

So, that left two options to her thinking; her studio on the docks or this cabin in the woods. She indifferently felt she could live in either place. She could find some job that would enable her to pay the rent on her studio, and she knew that Jason would let her live in the cabin as long as she wanted and he'd never expect, or probably even accept, any money from her. In her current frame of mind she didn't particularly care where she lived. Some days she felt like she wanted nothing more than to hide out in the cabin, and other days she told herself not to give into the temptation. She told herself that she had to find a way to keep going.

Either place would suffice for her basic need of having a roof over her head. But what she liked most about each of them was that they would remind her of Jason. He was a prominent feature in her thoughts, of now and the future. He had helped her so much through the long, dark days and she supposed it was only natural that she think of him as she now contemplated what to do. He had been there from the beginning, giving her comfort when she needed it and searching for her son without her even knowing it. Then after Cameron had been found Jason had been her biggest source of strength through her son's illness and then death, she honestly didn't think she would have survived with her sanity intact if it hadn't been for him.

His quiet, strong presence had helped her get through the days and survive the nights. He talked on occasion, but most of all he listened and was simply there for her. He reminded her of Lucky and how the sweet teen had helped her after she had been raped; both had helped her by their calming presence that let her know it was okay to hurt but that she would also be alright. Sometimes, though, it was the comparisons of this situation to her rape, her reliance on Jason as she had with Lucky, that scared her.

She had believe that Lucky had saved her, that he had picked her up and put her back together, and when she thought he died in the garage fire it had nearly destroyed her. In the ensuing years she had let her gratitude to him for saving her nearly crush her in its debt. In the end she and Lucky had ended, and ended badly, barely even friends for the longest time and certainly not close like they had once been. Elizabeth did not want the same thing to happen to her and Jason. She didn't want to rely on him so completely that she thought he was her only means of surviving, that he became her sole reason for living. She couldn't handle it if she and Jason suffered the same fate as she and Lucky; if their friendship was irretrievably lost.

As wonderful as all this time with Jason was, she knew it couldn't last. Especially now that the trial was over. Jason had other things to do besides hold her hand as she alternately fell apart or tried to find her way. He had responsibilities to Sonny and his friends and family. He couldn't stay with her forever just because she wanted him there so that she wouldn't have to be alone. Sooner or later she would have to face her fears. She knew from her rape that if she waited too long, waited until she felt comfortable, that the day would never come; she would be paralyzed in her fear forever. She had to push herself outside her comfort zone, and not having Jason by her side every moment would be the fist step towards the next phase of her life.

Knowing that the first step to whatever she was going to do started with getting out of bed instead of hiding in it, Elizabeth pushed aside the comforter and slowly sat up, letting her legs dangle over the side. Her head throbbed from the simple movement, but she refused to give into the temptation to lie down and go back to sleep. She needed to face the day and, she told herself, she needed to face Jason.

Mechanically she showered and dressed, there wasn't much enthusiasm for such things, she did them because she had to - much like eating, and walked down the short hall to the main room. Jason was, as she'd expected, sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. He was on the telephone and she didn't want to disturb him so she tried to slip quietly into the kitchen. But he must have sensed she was there because he turned, saw her, and then said into the phone, "I'll have to call you back."

Once he closed his phone he smiled warmly, yet cautiously, at her, "Good morning."

Elizabeth glanced at the clock on the stove as it advanced to 12:01 and laughed, "Good afternoon, actually. I guess I slept pretty late."

"Understandable," he replied.

He would think so, and she was instantly at ease. "Sorry I interrupted your call," she said as she opened the refrigerator more out of habit than any real hunger. "I didn't know if was business and I should go back to my room or just try to let you finish it without bothering you."

"You don't need to stay in your room," he shook his head. "You should feel free to do what you want."

She pulled out some juice, not feeling up to trying to force herself to eat right now, and reached for a glass. "I do," she assured him, "but I know that you have things you have to do. You...you haven't left while the trial was going on, and I want you to know that I appreciate that. But I know that Sonny needs you, he's probably needed you but hasn't called because of the trial."

Jason shifted slightly and gently scratched the side of his neck. "He knew that you were my main focus. You still are."

"Thank you," she said softly, truly touched by all that he had, and hadn't, said. Turning to face him, she leaned back against the counter. "But I can't expect you to put everything and everyone aside just because of me. I don't want you to."

When he looked at her with a little confusion she walked towards the table and gestured to the chair across from her. "When I was raped," she began softly, "I thought I could only feel safe, feel comfortable, with Lucky. When we thought he died, I had to learn how to be strong on my own and deal with two tragic events. I don't want to do the same thing now. I have to learn how to deal with this on my own, which means I have to start learning how to be by myself. I'm not going to pretend that everything's find and that I don't need anyone."

Her voice quivered and Jason reached out to cover her hand. "Quite honestly, the thought of being by myself during the day, but especially at night, terrifies me."

"I'll stay with you, Elizabeth," he told her. "Unless you want me to go. I'll do whatever you need."

"I feel like I should be fine on my own, but..." She shook her head. "I don't know that I'm ready to face the nights. Maybe in the bright light of day I can make a start, begin to find some answers and find my strength. But at night...do you think..."

"Yes," he nodded. "I understand what you're saying, and I'm sure Sonny will too."

"If he doesn't," she said quickly, "please don't feel like you have to-"

"Elizabeth," Jason said gently, cutting her off. "He'll understand. Don't worry so much; you aren't going to cause a rift between me and Sonny. I can be there for both my friends, and I know you'll figure out a way to deal with this. I have faith in you. I can start doing more things during the day, but I'll still stay with you at night."

She closed her eyes and swallowed thickly. When she looked at him once more, she knew her tears of relief and gratitude that she was barely holding back would be evident. "Thank you, Jason."

Chapter 35

Thursday, February 10, 2005

"Will there be anything else, Judge?"

Bill Duarte looked up at his secretary and shook his head. "I have some work to do this evening, but you can go, Helen. Say hello to Colin for me."

She nodded and bid him goodnight while he bent his head again over his files. He waited until he knew she wouldn't be returning for anything she might have forgotten and then he stood and locked the outer office door. Then he retreated back to his inner office and took out his cell phone; he didn't want this call showing up on the courthouse records.

"Morgan."

"Mr. Morgan, it's Bill Durante. I'm sorry to bother you, but I need to meet with you."

There was a pause and he held his breath. This wasn't part of their deal, and so any time he deviated from it he was always a bit nervous. But he needed to meet with Jason Morgan and so he had to risk this call.

"I can be at your office in an hour."

"I'll be here," he said and then hung up. Leaning back in his chair he sighed and wiped his damp palms with his handkerchief. There was nothing left to do but wait.

Sonny tilted his head to the side as Jason hung up his phone and slipped it into his pocket. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," the younger man nodded. "I have to go in a little bit."

"If it's Elizabeth you can go now," Sonny told him. He knew that the grieving woman was important to Jason; he had learned that lesson well in the previous months and if his friend needed to go he completely understood.

"It's not Elizabeth," the younger man shook his head. "It was actually Judge Duarte, he wants to meet."

"Oh," Sonny said, his voice flat and emotionless. Something must have occurred for the judge to call Jason and risk finding out. That something would have to do with Sam and Sonny knew that wasn't a safe topic of conversation for him and Jason. They had fought in regards to Adella's mother for so long and Sonny didn't want to shatter the fragile truce they had now.

"I don't know what it's about," the younger man said, "but I'll call you."

Sonny shook his head. "No, there's no need. You're handling this. It affects Elizabeth and that means it affects you more than me. Whatever you decide to do...then that's what happens."

Sighing, he looked away and rolled his lips in over his teeth. "I met with Duarte during the trial and told him to do whatever you told him to. That still stands. Sam...we offered her help and she refused it. Our duty now is to Elizabeth to make sure she has everything she needs for her recovery."

Jason sighed painfully and Sonny realized what he'd said. "She doesn't have her son, I know that. I...I think about Adella just like I think about Lily's baby. Maybe it seems like I don't miss them like Sam or Elizabeth miss their children; maybe I don't. But I didn't carry them inside me like they did. Sometimes I think about the children that I've lost, Lily's baby, Carly's and now Adella. Adella...she was so close to-"

"I know," Jason said softly. Sonny knew that he understood it hurt more with her, that she'd been lost so close to when she could have been born and been healthy and alive because Jason had been planning to help raise the little girl and had become attached to her in his own way. And while both men had grieved, they certainly hadn't been affected like Sam had.

"Maybe it's because we had other things we had to do, had to focus on," Sonny shrugged. "I was so worried about Kristina, about losing her when I'd just found out she was mine, and you became involved with Elizabeth and her son. This is different though for Elizabeth than it was with Adella," he said, coming back around to his original thought. "She held him, watched him grow and saw his personality beginning to emerge. He wasn't just a thought or a picture on a sonogram. This is going to be hard on her and I know you'll do everything you can do help her through this.

"Sam's sentencing will affect her, and maybe...maybe it can help her," he shrugged again with helplessness over the situation. "So you know what she needs, you've been dealing with this. I'm telling you that whatever you instruct the judge to do I support you."

Jason swallowed and let out a rough breath. "Thank you."

Sonny nodded and then motioned him away with his head. "Go on. You know you want to go and we can finish up this stuff later."

Jason waited for the hallway to clear of the late working clerks who were heading home, and then hurried across the hall to enter Judge Duarte's chambers. He flipped the lock on the outer door to make sure no one interrupted them and then crossed to the inner chamber. "Judge."

The older man looked up and slipped off his glasses, swallowing nervously. Duarte was never quite at ease with this arrangement and so in the initial minutes of a meeting he always looked ready to bolt or end their agreement. So Jason always kept things low key to put the man at ease, but firm enough to keep him focused on business. The judge was one of their best inside men and they wanted to keep him on their payroll.

"Mr. Morgan," he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry to call you, but I need to talk to you about Miss McCall's sentencing."

Jason frowned. He had been expecting that they would talk about Sam, but he hadn't really thought it would be about her sentencing. He nodded his head indicating for the other man to continue.

"You came to me asking to ensure Miss McCall did not escape punishment; that at the very least she was sent to a criminal mental facility.

Jason nodded. "If she pleaded guilty by insanity I wanted her put away."

"She didn't plead," the judge pointed out. "She never had a psych evaluation; her lawyer never presented that defense. She always claimed innocence, and a jury found her guilty. I have no basis for putting her in an institution for the criminally insane."

"But you can send her to prison," Jason said in understanding.

"Yes," the judge affirmed. "Based on the crimes she was found guilty of, if I do consecutive sentencing instead of concurrent..."

"How long?" Jason immediately wanted to know.

Duarte listed the maximum number of years he could sentence Sam for, as well as the minimum number she would have to serve before she'd be eligible for parole. It was a number that Jason thought would please Elizabeth as well as help her find some peace. Besides, he had enough contacts that he would deal with Sam once she was in prison.

"Do it," he said resolutely as he stood. "Put her in prison. I'll take care of her parole."

She would never get parole, the board would never allow it; but that was if she even made it to parole. After all, baby killers were never well liked in prison. But nobody needed to know that; Jason would take care of everything.

The pain was so intense. It reached into her chest and stole her breath away. She hadn't been prepared for it at all and Elizabeth was completely blindsided. She didn't want to feel this, she wanted to hide from it; she just wanted it to go away.

Her fingers began to tingle as she gasped for breath. Her head pounded and she felt like the walls were closing in on her; she had to get out of here. No. She stood, the package on her lap crashing to the floor in her frantic need to escape. Her hands were shaking as she reached for her jacket and fumbled with the locks. By the time she had them undone and wrenched the door open she was almost in a blind panic.

"Whoa. Hey." Jason steadied her after she crashed into him, holding her arms and making sure she wasn't going to fall. She fought against him for a moment until she realized it was him and then wasn't as frantic, but she was still trying to break out of his grip. "Elizabeth?"

"I need to get out...I need to go."

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, his face full of worry and concern. He took two steps forward, forcing her to step back. "Let's go sit down, okay? You need to sit down and relax."

"No," she shook her head frantically. "I don't...I can't go in there."

He didn't understand, but he nodded and stopped trying to get her back inside. They turned and headed towards the stairs and as they moved away from her studio she felt her breathing begin to calm. She didn't care where they went; she just had to get out of the building. And as long as Jason was with her she knew that that she would be alright, he would look out for her and help her calm down.

They made their way out onto the docks and she collapsed onto the bench, her head falling forward as she pulled in gulping breaths of air. Jason gently brushed her hair to the side and then rubbed his hand over her back. He didn't speak, but the calmness he transferred to her through his touch did more than any words could have done. Finally, she felt the painful vice around her chest loosen and her head stopped spinning. Sitting up straight, she took a deep breath as she looked out over the water. Then she turned to look at Jason who was visibly concerned.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"What happened?" he asked. She was grateful he didn't ask if she was okay because clearly she wasn't.

"My gram brought me a package that was delivered to the house, "she said with a shudder as she brought her feet up onto the bench, hugging her knees to her chest. "I didn't know what it was so I opened it."

And had been stabbed in her heart, ripping open a wound that had barely begun to heal.

He leaned forward and brushed her hair back, dipping down to meet her eyes. "What...what was it?"

"These bears that I...I ordered for Cameron." She closed her eyes, tears burning paths down her cheeks. "I forgot that I ordered them."

She clenched her hands into her jeans, trying to erase the echo of the fur and even fainter, the silkiness of Cameron's skin. "I saw these bears in a catalog last year. One was dressed for Christmas and one was a Cupid for Valentine's Day. Valentine's is Monday..."

"I know," Jason said softly, his hand never leaving her shoulder. It was the only thing anchoring her to the world right now.

"I forgot about them for Christmas...with everything... I just forgot about them and that they hadn't arrived. So I opened it..."

Elizabeth trailed off on a sob and Jason moved closer, pulling her towards him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried. Gently rocking her back and forth he spoke softly to her, trying to calm her, once again trying to pass his strength to her. Finally, she began to calm, crying herself out and she stuttered to a stop, still leaning against him. She didn't even feel like she could move; she couldn't raise her hand to wipe away her tears so she let them dry on her face.

"I had all of these plans," she said softly. "I had all of these plans for Cameron's first year."

Jason brushed his hand over her hair as he said, "I'm sorry, Elizabeth."

"Christmas...it was so soon after his death that I never even thought about things, really. I had wanted to start traditions with him, do things that my parents and grandparents had done, start new ones. I wanted to see his face when he opened his presents. I wanted to do all these firsts with him. All the holidays and his birthday. I wanted him to know how loved he was."

"He did," Jason told her. "He knew it; he felt it. I'm sure he did."

"It just...it hit me all over again that he's gone. When I opened the package and saw the bears I remembered all the things I was going to do. And I can't...I can't do any of it because he's gone."

"I'm sorry," he repeated softly. "I know it's not much, but I'm sorry that...you were a wonderful mother and I know your son would have loved what you planned. But one day...maybe you'll be able to do those things."

She turned and took a deep breath. She knew he meant one day with future children, but she just couldn't think about that. Not now. How could she think about having children when she'd just barely buried Cameron? Wouldn't that make it seem like she was just trying to replace him? That she wasn't respecting him or honoring his memory?

"Elizabeth," he began, but she shook her head, staving off whatever he was going to say.

Standing up, she walked towards the edge of the pier, wrapping her arms around herself as she stared out over the water. "Will you help me with something?"

Jason stood and came up beside her. Even without looking at him she knew his gaze was on her. "I'll help you with whatever I can, Elizabeth."

"Would you go with me to my grandmother's house?" She glanced at him quickly and then refocused on the water. "I...I haven't been there since I moved out before Christmas and I...I think it's time I go back. For a visit. I know that some stuff was packed up, but I...I need to finish going through his nursery. Finish packing everything up, decide what I want to save. Maybe..."

She trailed off with a shrug, and then looked over at Jason. "Maybe it will help me to face it now."

Feeling lost she asked, "Will you help me?"

He nodded and stood by her, resting his hand reassuringly on her back. "I will," he promised. "I'll help you any way that I can."

Chapter 36

Monday, February 21, 2005

It was over. Samantha McCall, found guilty of kidnapping, negligent homicide, child endangerment and a few other things Jennifer Cole had seemingly thrown in for good measure - or maybe just spite - had been sentenced. She would be going to prison. Serving hard time; no chance of parole any time soon. The selfish, vindictive side of Elizabeth was very pleased by that fact and had sat stoically in the courtroom as the judge pronounced sentencing. Sam's quiet whimpers hadn't fazed her at all.

Elizabeth was holding onto that petty side; embracing the hardness that had seeped into her heart. It was a welcome change of pace from the inertia-causing raw hurt that had held her in its grip for so long. When the pain had been all-consuming, when she let it threaten to drown her, it had caused her to only half live.

She got out of bed because she had to. She couldn't hide away in her room all day no matter how much she wanted to. So she got up, went to Sam's trial, listened to the testimony and alternated between feeling numb, detached from her body somehow as if she were watching this happen to someone else, and being so overwhelmed with hurt and pain she wondered sometimes how she didn't shatter from the intensity of it. For so long she merely went through the motions of life, motivated by Sam's trial.

That all changed about a week ago. She returned to her grandmother's house after leaving nearly two months ago and she noticed that she wasn't overwhelmed with grief. She was hit with anger. The house didn't smell like a baby anymore, it smelled like her grandmother again. Pledge and roses replaced the smell of baby lotion and talcum powder. Knickknacks were back on the shelves where the baby toys had once rested. She wasn't mad at her grandmother for reclaiming her house, she was mad at the woman who had erased her son's existence.

Everything her grandmother had moved was placed in the upstairs room that had been Cameron's nursery. They had packed up a lot of his things before she fled, but there had still been some remaining items. She went through those, and when she was done, she had a box full of memories of her son. It made her burn that it all been reduced to something so innocuous as a cardboard box. An event, a person, so profound her life had been completely altered, was compacted to this. A box that fit in the back of an SUV.

She hated Sam McCall for that. She hated Fate, Nature, whatever Deity that had done this to her. Why was she punished with losing a child? She knew that it wasn't really punishment, the Universe didn't work that way, but it felt like it. And she couldn't keep from asking why.

So, the fact that Sam was going to prison...pleased her. Sonny and Jason never even flinched when the sentence was handed down, and so she knew Sam wouldn't disappear on the way to prison. She knew Jason wouldn't do that to her, but now she believed Sonny wouldn't interfere either. She was glad about that. One of the few bright spots in her life right now. Her satisfaction wasn't going to be undermined. The pleasure she would have from knowing Sam was in prison wasn't going to be snatched away from her.

Maybe it should have bothered her more that she felt this way, but it really didn't. Anger helped her get through her days and helped her not fear the nights anymore. She got up in the morning, not because she had to, but because she didn't want to lie around in bed all day. She got up, she showered, she dressed, she ate and she went about her day. She set tasks for herself and she accomplished them. Sometimes it was just as simple as reading the paper or doing the laundry, but she was doing it. She was doing something. She didn't sit and stare at nothing for hours or cry until she was exhausted. Her heart was protecting itself against that pain, it was telling her to do something, to keep going.

The anger gave her the desire, and the need, to start taking care of herself. She was tired of being a victim. She was tired of feeling like a china doll that was moved slowly and carefully lest she break. She was tired of depending completely on everyone else, from Gram and Bobbie to Jason and the guards to take care of her. She didn't need someone to fix her a plate at every meal; she didn't need someone to do her grocery shopping. She could do things for herself. She wasn't helpless. She was so tired of feeling helpless.

She was not going to turn Jason into Lucky; she would not act like she couldn't survive without him. After her rape she didn't think that she could do anything without Lucky, she was terrified of doing the same thing now. The anger that had descended on her helped her feel like she would avoid that trap. Her anger made her determined that she would never be that helpless again. She would find a way to put her life back together.

The door opened and she looked up, smiling when she saw Jason come in and hang up his jacket. Despite telling herself that she could indeed survive without him, it did always help her when he returned to her studio. She always felt a little calmer, a little more centered, but the unrest she felt when he was gone was lessening. She was glad to realize that, it gave her hope.

"Hi," she said as he crossed the room and sat down on the couch, careful not to crowd her.

"Hi," he returned the smile, as he seemed to every time he returned. It caused the pit of her stomach to warm when she saw it, especially since no matter his mood when he arrived, his smile was always genuine. It made her feel like he liked being there as much as she liked he was there. She didn't feel like an obligation or a burden, or even worse, someone he pitied. "Sorry it's so late."

She looked over at the window and was surprised to see it was now dark outside. Sometimes she still lost track of the hours. "Oh, I hadn't realized how late it was."

"Did you eat?" he asked with a touch of concern that irritated her. Why did he always ask her that? Why did he always think she wouldn't eat, that she wasn't capable of taking care of herself?

"I did," she said, her tone just a little short, a little snappish. "I got hungry and I ate. I didn't know when you'd return and I figured you'd eat when you got back or you'd eat when you were hungry. I trust you, Jason, why can't you trust me?"

Standing, she spun away from the couch and stalked over to the window. "Stop treating me like I'm spun glass. How am I ever supposed to get stronger if you don't let me?"

Jason stood slowly and swallowed. He was surprised by Elizabeth's questions, but he wasn't entirely surprised by her anger. He'd noticed an edge to her the past week. She was a bit short in her answers and her tone of voice, and there was a darkness underlying her actions. He had once read a book Carly gave him about the stages of grief - it was after Michael had been taken away from him and she was still trying to hold onto him through the little boy, thinking they could talk about his feelings - and he knew that anger was one of them. She'd been numb and overwhelmed by her grief for so long that he knew it couldn't last; it seemed that things were finally starting to break.

What did surprise him was the anger directed at him. She was accusing him of coddling her, treating her like glass. Was he undermining her recovery by not believing in her? He did believe in her, in her strength. She was one of the strongest people he knew, but he also knew that even the strongest steel could break if the same spot was stressed long enough. He didn't want her to break; he just wanted to take care of her like she'd helped him all those years ago. Had he protected her too much?

"Elizabeth," he took a step towards her but made sure not to crowd her. "I...I'm sorry. I'm not trying to treat you like you're glass or too fragile to do things. You are one of the strongest people I know. The things you've done, the things you've survived...I don't know anyone who'd done all that and not run away from it or curled up to hide. I know you're strong."

"Then why are you always hovering? Why are you always checking to see what I've eaten, if I've slept, what I've done during the day? I feel like I have to account for everything."

Now he did approach her and placed his hands on her shoulders. His gut was twisted, sour with regret. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. That's never what I meant to do. I'm not judging you or asking you to tell me anything you don't want to. I ask because I care about you, because I want you to know that and feel like you can talk to me about whatever you want. That last thing...the last thing I want you to feel like is that I'm pressuring you."

"I know," she choked out as tears flooded her eyes. He tugged and she stepped close, into his embrace, her arms fitting around his waist. "I know that you care. I do, Jason, I do."

"I...I hate that I leave you," he admitted softly. "I know that you'd hate it if I stayed by your side constantly, but a part of me wants to. I wish I could take this pain from you, that I could be the one hurting just so that you didn't have to. So sometimes I ask because I need to know that I wasn't wrong in saying yes to Sonny. I need to make sure that I'm not abandoning you when you need me, that you know that if you need me to stay that I will. It never has been because I don't trust you."

"Oh, Jason," she sobbed out into his chest, her tears coming harder. He took slow steps back until he reached the edge of her couch and then leaned against it, holding her as she cried. "I never...realized."

"It's okay," he assured her. "I'm sorry if you felt like I was pressuring you."

"I won't anymore." Her voice was soft, but strong with conviction. "Now that I know why you ask...I won't feel that way anymore. I didn't realize you needed reassurance."

Her tears subsided and she let out a sigh as she repositioned her head on his chest. Her arms loosened around his waist, but she didn't release him. She simply didn't hold him with the fierce intensity of before. It was gentler, and his hold on her shifted as well. It was less sheltering and protecting, more caring. His hand gently swept up and down her spine and he could feel her demeanor relax.

"I'm sorry," she said once more, sniffling as she pulled back. "I didn't mean to snap at you. It wasn't fair. You've been really supportive and good and I just went off. I...I've just been feeling so angry and I lashed out because you were there."

"It's okay," he told her. "I know-"

"No, Jason, it's not okay," she told him as she stepped back to look at him more intently, not straining her head back. "It's not okay for me to yell at you just because you're here and a convenient target."

He reached out and touched her arm, "Elizabeth, it's okay. I'm not mad. I know that you're angry, but I also know that you're not mad at me."

"I'm not," she quickly wanted to assure him. "I'm really not."

"I know. So stop beating yourself up about it." He smiled and was relieved to see her smile back. "So, if I ask how you are, or how your day went..."

"I would say that I..." she sighed and shrugged tightly. "I'm doing the best I can. I...I just do what I can to make it through the day. It doesn't hurt as much as it once did but it still hurts. I know that it will, and that I'll eventually get better."

It was an improvement from where she was a few weeks ago, but Jason still worried about her. Because while Elizabeth seemed to be saying all the right things, there seemed to be a desperation to her words. It was almost as if she wanted to believe them as opposed to actually believing them. He was afraid she would try rushing her recovery, but he didn't know how to convey that to her without making her feel once again like he was undercutting her. So he bit it back, determining just to keep an eye on her. He'd pushed her enough for today, she'd moved forward. It was enough for now.

"So tell me about your day," he said with a disarming smile as he stood and caused her to step back. "I'm going to get something to eat; I haven't eaten all day. It was a long day and I don't-"

Elizabeth held up her hand as she laughed. "It's alright. You don't have to try so hard. You can ask, I just told you I won't feel like you're pushing me. But why don't you go ahead and sit down, I'll fix you a sandwich."

"You don't have to," he shook his head.

"It gives me something to do while I talk," she insisted. "I...I like doing things, I like having something to do. It's...it's why I've been thinking about getting a job. I don't...I don't want to sit around day in my head."

Jason sat down slowly as he watched her scurry off to fix a sandwich. It was good that she wanted to do something, but he worried about her state of mind and whether she was pushing too hard. He really didn't want the steel to snap.

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